Reduce speed now

One of my biggest challenges is that it is incredibly hard for me to "switch my brain off" and relax. I am constantly on the "go", and its really unhealthy for one's body to have a constant demand on your adrenal glands (which produce adrenaline). Basically, I am an energizer bunny from dawn til dusk.

Knowing this, it doesn't means I automatically then slow down, but its sooo hard to "reduce speed now".
Here is a typical example. I eat breakfast standing up and walking around my kitchen. Bit impossible with egg on toast, but cereal, no sweat! I drink coffee and tea standing up and walking around too. You will find coffee cups in the oddest of places in my home. The only time you will find a coffee cup on my desk is during work time.

I think too fast. And when I think way too fast,  I then talk and mix up what I am saying, or, go into a mind fog because I am already thinking about the next thing.

Last week I was advised to start yoga again. Now that season is almost over, I will have the time to do this. I should actually be doing yoga 3x a week during season, but please!! Try running a company and having kids. That leaves very little time to "pop over" to the yoga centre.
I was also told that I need to start meditating again. My form of meditation is a mixture of contemptation prayer and centering. I did blog about that long ago, but will post that blog again as its so worth it!

So, if you have some nice yoga music,please send it to me as I will be needing it as soon as my shoulder comes right. Its still damn sore!

Cheers!

Grace and the Harvest

I woke up this morning late for church. The kids had gone to sleep over at the in-laws, a first in 2 yrs. My body has been so tired from a hard week being up 3-4 times a night with Adam being a bit sick, and so I must have really needed the rest.

I sat in bed, all alone, drinking my coffee, in a wonderfully quiet house, thinking of our Abba Father, and noticing that I have been in utter peace for while.
I haven't been praying as much, nor reading my bible everyday, nor is my day filled with its usual worship. Yet, still I walk in peace. It dawned on me that am in a state of Grace.

Our God is a good God, a faithful God and a loving God. Here I am, thinking because I am not "doing" what I usually 'do", I should not be allowed to feel this way, so restful, so wonderful.

The Lord showed me a picture of a harvest, and it all made sense. Yes,its harvest time for us. We have sown the seeds for our business, planted and watered and now its time to put our heads down and work, work work. And for the last 2 months I have worked non-stop.

We have a very limited window period in which we can work with Great White Sharks, as its very seasonal, and in spite of the global recession we have been busier than ever.

Its noon now,and I am about to go outside, still in my pj's, and just enjoy the winter sun. I am so lucky to be a daughter of the most high and I am really looking forward to quietly praise Him, in this rare solitude.

Contemplative prayer and meditation

The road to contemplation is not one of achieving inner silence at all costs by following some technique that creates a kind of emptiness within. If, instead, with a childlike trust we let Christ pray silently within us, then one day we shall discover that the depths of our being is inhabited by His Presence.

I don't often get time to set aside an hour to do this, especially this time of the year, but my aim is to try set at least 1 silent slot per week to contemplate.

I am however big on meditation. This goes hand in hand with contemplation. I try meditate on a memory verse a week. I mull the scripture, chew it, repeat it over and over, until it sinks deep into my soul. I also like to read the scripture from different versions of the bible to try get the full meaning.

I then take this verse and offer it up as a prayer to God. And I try sing about it.

This weeks meditative verse is Is 9 vs 6 Unto us a child is born, unto us a saviour is given.....He will be called Wonderful, councillor, Prince of Peace, Everlasting Father.

Writing this about Jesus gives me such peace. He is my peace! Even in my desert He is my Everlasting Father.

Reflections from the desert

Here is my heart I give it Lord to You
Here is my life I lay it before You
Where else could I go
And what else could I do, if I did not know you?

How deeply I need You my Lord

Like the desert needs the rain......I need You
Like the oceans need the streams.....I need You
Like the morning needs the sun..... I need You

Lord You are my only one
(Darrell Evans)

This echo's my thoughts today.

When I realised God was leading me back into the desert I was angry.
No I was more than angry, I was mad as hell and deeply upset.
Why would He do this to me....again?
Doesn't He know that I have been knocking and knocking on that door, only to get a glimpse of what lay behind it, and now its shut firmly. What kind of loving Father is He?
And so on and so forth went my thoughts.

Then with the desert came the depression.
Come on Lord, give me a break here please.
And with the desert came the chronic fatigue again...and the pain.

Once again I pleaded, Lord give me a break....damn it.

You see, I had been in a beautiful place.
A place where the joy of the Lord was bubbling within me 24/7
I would wake up with a song on my lips and so I would then praise God from that song all day.
I had also been in 24/7 "prayer streaming" mode with Him. We would talk and talk all day and I just basked in the Glow of the Lord....literally.
I could not wait to read the word. Every page came alive for me.

In this phase I just drank deeply from the "well of life" and I loved living.

Now.....argh! The bible is a heavy weight of a book. Prayer is argh...completely dead to me. I have to force myself and remind myself to pray. Force myself to praise Him. My contemplative prayer is gone, as I just have no desire to meditate.

Something in me changed this week end as I pondered over this situation. I remembered the vision of the elephant recently and then the penny dropped! The light came on.

I will share more of this in my next blog.

My Christmas present

I have been blogging for a while now and it has been a lonely road. A few days ago I decided to retype in Christian woman blogs, and hey presto, a site called Top 100 Christian blogs popped up. It was as if I had just walked into a treasure chest. Lots of really beautiful sites, rich in Christ and full of experience where unveiled to me. What a joy!

Lord you are so good to me. Thank you for the little blessings you shower me with. Teach me to open my eyes to see more of your gifts you have in store for me. Help me to walk this road with my head up, and not looking at my feet.

Alone in the forest and other visions

I kinda feel like I have entered a desert phase again. Up until last week, I had the joy of the Lord literally bubbling from within. My heart skipped, leaped and hopped at life and I could just praise and give thanks to the Lord for every little thing that came my way.

Then suddenly, Bham, stone cold silence. My prayer life has dried up, my little conversations with God are one way and their ain't no joy from this sister!
I have been asking the Lord if its sin that has closed the door, and still the silence.

Last night I was struggling to sleep. I normally do a relaxation technique to help me where I picture a long corridor with lots of doors. As you walk along the corridor you put all your worries, thoughts etc in the rooms, close the door and relax until all the doors are closed. Normally by the end I am peaceful and ready to sleep. However this time, when I got to the end of the corridor, I was suddenly in a forest. I was alone and I was a little child. A rider on a horse came along. It was Jesus. He got off his horse and just hugged me. He hugged me for a long time, then picked me up on the horse and showed me a beautiful horizon scene. Then I was put down in the forest and off He sped on His horse.

This experience left me so tired that I fell asleep very quickly. I have no idea what this means. Was the forest the "desert". Did the hug mean I am with you and you are loved (as I felt very loved). Did the horizon mean that that He was showing me the future and it will get better? And then I was left alone. Does this mean yep, your staying in the desert?The second one recent one I wanted to share was that I was in a dry river bed. I was an elephant and I had to dig deep down to get the water. I asked the Lord to please show me what this meant. The Lord clearly said that I was not to go find another watering hole, but to stay and dig in this dry bed. As I dug I got a little bit of water, and then it disappeared and so I had to keep digging and digging.

Breaking out of the Mould

On Monday night I went to my mentoring woman's group,(these are small groups which gets together every two weeks/month to fellowship and go through a book/dvd that our church recommends etc.)

I dont usually open or close these meetings in prayer, nor do I often prayer aloud as I never feel completely comfortable. On Sunday night I finished the book " Listening to God" by Joyce Huggett. In her last chapter she urges the reader to not copy someone else's prayer style. Suddenly it dawned on me, this is why I have always felt uncomfortable. It wasn't about prayer, nor about praying aloud, it was that the style is completely different to how I pray alone. I never pray long winded prayer requests, so no wonder I felt tongue tied all the time.
I nervously asked if I could open the group in prayer. I asked everyone to please be still for 5 minutes and pray in their heart. I just prayed aloud, asking God to meet with us as HE feels fit, and then we went silent.

I could feel the ticking of the clock get louder and louder, and my heart started beating faster and faster. I tried to quieten my mind and just focus on the cross, and what it symbolizes for me.
Well, nothing profound happened to me nor anyone else during those 5 minutes, and so the meeting started. Towards the end of the meeting, as a friend was sharing what the chapter in our study book meant for her, the Lord gave me a very clear vision for her. I asked God to please show me scripture to back it up, and He did.

Now I knew without a doubt that if I had not been "still" and had not been brave enough to ask our group to pray differently I would not have been given this encounter to bless my friend.

My prayer tonight is Lord, teach me how to be humble. To know that I am the pot and your are the potter. To learn that as I venture forth in this direction, I am to always place you First. It is so easy to let my pride get in the way, and so to take my eyes off Christ. I ask this in Jesus name. Amen.