This week savings...or not

This weeks savings....all the hand soap ( the ones in the pretty pump bottles), has finished, and so i bought 3 good old fashioned bars of soap. That's around R60 savings.
Bad news.....bought a pair of pumps at Woolies for Jordan that i could have paid half for at Ackermans. Maybe not as pretty, but could have saved around R60. ZERO winnings here today.
I haven't finished last months spread sheet yet and I must do it tomorrow.

Had the beetle and electrical inspector around yesterday. He found a list of faults that he happily attached his quote to. Rob saw red, and has decided to do most of it himself. Some of the  "faults" are ridiculous, for eg we have to earth our electrical gate motor. Its not even connected to the AC power but to DC power or something to that effect my electrician friend said. Wish my electrician was an inspector.

Have to get the phone line transferred to the new place. Panicky that the owner will cancel the line and not keep it open, so i am taking the transfer forms to her place for her to sign tomorrow. I cant risk having my business phone line not working.

Got a quote for a pool net, and still need to get another 2. I found out that some of the paving around the pool needs to be relaid if the net is to hold properly.
Adam's swimming lessons are going well. I am very glad we are taking him 2x a week and he loves it. Hope it will still be warm enough to swim with him next month. And i cannot wait until he can swim properly. Jordan is swimming like a little fish and has her first gala on Saturday. Bless her.

Sunday is a great day to reflect on how one's week has been. Its been almost a month since my last post. Work has been so hectic, and as i sit in front of the computer for most of it, I just could not face doing my blog posts as well.

So, as i continue this theme, i am adding the same scripture to this blog:

1 Corinthians:9-26 NIV Therefore I do not run like a man running aimlessly; I do not fight like a man beating the air.
 NLT So I run with purpose in every step. I am not just shadowboxing.
Pr 3.6 in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight. 

Sharing some good news, we have finally sold our house. This has been a very hard and stressful time, and the weight of the burden lifted off as if physical weight has been incredible. I truly thank God for being so patient with me, as this has been a test of my faith, hope and strength of character. I think the hardest part was hope, really understanding what it is and how it leads to faith. Also, learning how to forgive myself for making  a financial mistake was hard as we almost were in the situation of having two homes and thus two bonds.

A few weeks before hand I  had signed up for "Ancient Paths, financial seminar", which could not have come at a better time. Learning about the hold mammon has over our lives was really an eye opener, especially in the light of the above situation. I am onto my third month of recording my budget and after next month will be able to sit down and take stock of where I am spending my money and how to go about trimming it.  I am trying hard here.

Jordan had her 5th birthday party yesterday and I have been very careful about my spending for her party. Each child received a party pack, a little bucket with a few sweets and chips and a little toy that was meant for the party. At the end of the day they could go home with the bucket and the toy. We had juice, watermelon, grapes and popcorn on the kids table and of course, the birthday cake a bit later on, and that was it. It was more than enough and i am sure the moms were very grateful that the did not have hyper active sugar ladened kids to take home. There was a water slide that was so much fun and everyone had a great time.
Compared to last year, I did very well on the budget side as I have always over catered. 

My goals for this coming week is to keep getting up early for my quiet time. Last week i didnt manage to do this and i could clearly see the difference and how important it is to start the day with God. 

I am a very healthy eater, but todays CONFESSION is..... sadly, I like chicken polony. I honestly do.

Goals need to be put in writing in order to achieve them. Then we need to weekly/monthly/yearly review them, depending on what the goal is.

1 corinthians:9-26 NIV Therefore I do not run like a man running aimlessly; I do not fight like a man beating the air.
 NLT So I run with purpose in every step. I am not just shadowboxing.
Pr 3.6 in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight.

This week's goals.

• eat less bread
• keep up the journalling
• keep up the quiet time. Aim for 3-4 times, lest I fail and punish myself.
• keep thinking of ways to spend less. ( very hard), but i must put this in writing.
• eat only 1 portion of food at meal times. (no second helpings)

Last week:

• Last month I decided not to buy blue "water" toilet freshener. My toilet does not need to flush dark blue water. But for years I have done this as I dont like to see what is "in" the toilet. However, temptation was so great that as I walked down the household disenfectant isle, I bought one. This week, my blue loo, ran out, and so I have sent Rob shopping with the list to help kick this habit.

• I failed badly on the bread issue. Try again this week.

Transforming your mind

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Do not be conformed to this world but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Romans 12.2

After my emotional outburst last week, I started to read The power of a praying woman as well. I loved it when Stormie Omartian says "We do not have to entertain every thought in our head. Ask yourself, are these thoughts I would chose?". Something in what she said struck home. The fact that I was so filled with hatred towards myself that evening was not thoughts that I would chose. However these thoughts have found a home, and have become part of me. I certainly do not wish to harbour this kind of thinking and so some serious reprogramming needs to happen here.

As I had begun to ponder and pray over this, God was faithfully working behind the scenes. I sat in church today and the series we started was, " The power of a positive you." Isn't God good! Our pastors started out by saying, " an attitude adjustment comes when we change how we think. Reprogramme your mind. Renew your mind".
2 Cor 10.5 is something i need to put into practice. " We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ".I realised that thoughts of the past often pop into my head. With these thoughts come the memories of that moment, and I had inadvertently began to relive them. For example, I would remember an incident that I was not proud of, of how I acted, or spoke, and then would compare myself to a young lady I know very well. This young lady is wonderfully mature and has her feet firmly planted on the ground, and compare how immature and foolish I was. This playback has begun to happen at least three times a week, maybe more, and even though I had tried to replace this playback with whom I am today ( the old man vs the new man), it had not helped. Now I am ready to use scripture to stand firm against the enemy.

Straight away thoughts of how I should have be doing this as I am not a immature Christian spring to mind. The enemy is quick. But God is faithful, constant and loving and is completely opposite to Satan who tries to pollute my mind with junk.

I will keep you posted on how it goes!

Being kind to myself day

Okay, I dont hate myself  today. I am past yesterdays' hectic emotional experience. So, today I tried to be kind to myself.
I woke up at 6am very sore. Stress does that to me. Sat down to have my quiet time and thought I would pass out i felt so horrible.Went back to bed and arose an hour later to  have a mustard bath. I have been on a go slow the whole day, with energy levels very low. But I did manage to find some time today to have a quiet time, and to start to pray into the prayer list i started. So far on the list its the kids, and my health.

The good news is that today was my second headache free day. I am now very sure that its because of my visit to the chiropractor. I have another visit tomorrow. This is really good news as i was not happy about going on Amatriptiline. My body does not need more medication. However, on that note, my one year waiting period for my medical aid is up and now they will start to pay for my chronic meds. Plus, I am also now entitled to 2 secialist visits a year on the PMB's ( perscribed minumum benifits) programme, so that is going to be a huge savings for me.

Managed to get to gym today. Nothing to hectic, but it was good to do some excercise.

Overwhelmed and in despair

Bad news has come. The person who put an offer in on our house, her sale of her home has fallen through, meaning our sale of our home has fallen through.
 I am so upset. Our house was put on the market in December, which is not a great time to sell. We took an offer from the first person that saw the house, and we were ecstatic. Over Christmas and New Year, not much happened and we went away on holiday as well. Our buyer took an offer on her home  and it was looking all great and her purchaser had given a healthy deposit and we were told its basically a done deal, our house is sold. We were just waiting for his bond to be approved. In the mean while all marketing efforts on our home ceased. Now its the end of Jan and we are back to square one. That in itself is still okay. The problem lies in the fact that we went ahead and put an offer on a house, and we cannot pull out of it. I feel sick to my stomach for "jumping the gun".

The worst thing is that I completely hate myself right now. I know this is an awful thing to say, but i really do, and i am in such despair. Rob never felt comfortable putting in the offer, and as another couple had made an offer on "our new home", I pushed him to sign the contract.
I feel like Eve, giving Adam the apple to eat, knowing that its forbidden fruit. Yes, i know that Rob is a grown up and made the decision for himself to go ahead, like Adam did, but it doesn't change the way I feel right now.

At the moment, I cant even pray. Why, cause I feel that I am asking for "a get out of jail free card". The verse
Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.   And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. keeps coming to mind.
However at the moment, there is no thanks giving here right now. I just cant muster it up, to be honest with you.

The diet also went out the window. Ended up binging out on peanut butter sandwiches.

This pic tells it like it is.  My "armour" is bruised and dented and lots of fiery arrows have hit there target.

Maybe I just need a good sleep, and tomorrow, I will be able to stand strong again. Maybe I just needed to vent. Wont know until tomorrow.

Dear God, will you  watch over me tonight and help me be not so hard on myself.

This weeks goals

Last night I sat down and wrote what I wanted for this week, my goals and my aims. This was a confirmation for me as yesterdays sermon was about changing your mind set, which is exactly what my resolutions are about, changing my old ways.
On the financial side, my stock take is revealing scary stuff. I spend far too much money! I have now started a file and am not only recording my expenses, I am filing them. So far the weekly shop isn't working out and I still went daily to buy groceries. This is a very bad habit that I must change. So, I have decided that Rob is to do this week's shopping. LI will keep you posted on that one!

The kids behaviour is still terrible and I want to change this. Lately I have been reacting to them and not taking action.I had a serious heart to heart with the Lord, and  have prayed very hard over this and was shown that if I do not partner up with Him, then I am going to end up being a screaming fish wife and have not so loving kids. I have recommitted myself to God in this area and to daily praying over them, and have given the kids over to Him. I promise you, that the moment I did that, my burden was instantly lifted!

Me, well that is fine. This week's aims is no grain in my diet. Gym: x5 this week. Aim: I really want to be very fit this year.

Tracking my expenses

January is not my favorite time of the month when it comes to expenses. The bills keep coming in and its pretty scary.
 I am trying to become better with my finances, keeping records of payments and accounts etc. I used to be very diligent, but for the last few years have become very slack in the admin department. So, here I sit, opening and filing bills, and recording those monthly ones on an excel spreadsheet,I also need to check my bank statements, as I dont. By doing this, I am sure I am going to get a shock on how much money flies out the window that I have not taken stock off. Just looking at last months statements, the amount of times I went to Woolworths and Pick n Pay was incredible. Almost daily. I really aim this year to bring it down to a weekly shop.
I also need to seriously cut down on my spending. I confess that I am an emotional shopper and buy wants, rather than needs. The first step is to track. Track everything and then trim.

Days from Hell

Just returned from holiday last night, and had tons of stuff to do today. The maid didnt arrive, and the thought of doing a truck load of washing didnt appeal to me. Decided to post phone to later. Work should come first.

Got up, and went to my breakfast nook, bible and journal in hand. Sat down to write this years goals and resolutions.
Goal 1. Aim to have daily quiet time with the Lord, just Him and me and the bible. So, started to read 13 Jan of my 365 day bible. Decided that I couldn't start on day 13, and so started on day 1. Reading about creation of the earth made me very uneasy. Since teaching my son about dinosaurs and learning about Pre-man, i cant figure out where MAN comes into the creation time line. I do not believe I come from an ape, however, for years now, I have just put my head in the sand like an ostrich and refused to even look at evolution. 
Dinosaurs existed, pre-man existed, its not made up. Skeletons don't lie.To be honest with you, the answers I get from the church, and i say church in general, being today's Christian leaders, doesn't cut the mustard, and so I journaled my thougths on this subject.  But I wont get ahead of myself, that is for another blog post.

Goal 2.Aim to cut down on personal financial spending. Planning to do a budget review, track 3 months worth of till slips and have a detailed look at my spending habits.
Goal 3. Journal more.

And, that was the start to my morning. Nice and quiet. And that is where it ended. The reign of terror by the children had begun.
Mid-morning, i had a meeting. Put the Blue Planet DVD on for the kids and after 1/2hr i heard the bathroom taps on.  I just sweetly apologise and excuse myself. The kids were cleaning the bathroom. Sounds nice and lovely, but believe me, it wasn't. The soap was everywhere and so was the water. Rob continues the meeting while i do damage control. Threaten to beat kids until next Tuesday, and put them back in front of TV. 10 min later i discover to my horror that they have gotton hold of Jordans nail polish. Jordan has painted Adams toes. Yes, all the toes have polish right up to his feet. He looks like he has vienna's for toes now. But wait, there is now nail polish all over my white duvet and bed side table. Freak out, and start wondering what valium tastes like and if i could get it delivered RIGHT NOW!

 Have to seperate kids. Clearly threats of being knocked into next week didnt help. Whilst giving Jordan the third degree in her room, Adam has now opened a tub of vaseline and is trying to remove his vienna toes with it. Oh God, Oh God, I pray. Please help me! I start taking some deep breathes, and silently grab a towel. I really dont have the time to look for a kitchen towel.Oh no, its a white one. Quickly run to the kids bathroom, almost slipping killing myself on the soapy wet floor to get a dark towel. Try get most of the vaseline off. Adam goes outside. Phew. Jordan is back watching the Blue Planet dvd. Back to the meeting. Thank heavens its all going well, but I am the one who is supposed to be chairing it. I notice from the corner of my eye that Adam is watering the garden. Yes, thats wonderful! It will keep him busy. Half way through the meeting and its all going well now.

Oh no, Adam has now moved from the plants to spraying the windows and the front door is open. Water is everywhere. The entire front entrance floor is sopping. I leap up, and dash for more towels. Where are those dark towels. Cant find them, so rush to bedroom to fetch the sticky vaseline ones. My blood pressure is sky high by now and I am hyper venterlating. Bugger those deep breathing techniques.

After feeding kids toast and getting Adam to run errands with Rob, Jordan is now trying to do her ABC's with me in the office. I refuse to now have any kids out of sight. After ABC's she spots the shredder and I let her shred all the scrap paper we can find in the office. So, far all is going well.

17.00 and start supper. I have forgotten to lock the office door and Adam has wondered in and found the shredded paper. His eyes must have lit up as if he had found treasure. I find him strewing shredded paper all over the passage. Since I didnt lock the door, I calmly pick it all up. Kids 5- Karen 0.

Have now over steamed the broccoli and its runined. To bad. We will eat it, i say! Rob now realises that I have totally lost the plot. Takes the kids to the shops. Comes home with popcorn and the Oceans movie. God Bless him!

Great movie, and as the film crew spend 2 months on our boat filming seals and sharks, we eagerly watch to see what they have included. I am super thrilled to see my name in the credits. False Bay logistics Manager: Karen Lawrence.

Forgiveness is a "doing" word

Do you remember learning grammar at school? A verb is a doing or action word. Well forgiveness is the same.

Forgiveness doesn't come easily to us. That is just human nature. When we have been hurt or offended, its hard to forgive, especially when we are in the "right".

Lately, I have been struggling with an issue. I know that if a relationship is to continue then I have to lay down the path of forgiveness. The struggle is to continue to walk in this path. Often thoughts would come into my mind, and the bitterness would instantly return. The force of the bitterness still amazes me, as I thought I had dealt with this issue. After all, as my pastor says, "issues are negotiable, relationships are NOT!". And so, I have to "do" forgiveness.

People often think that to forgive means to forget. This is not true.Often a valuable lesson needs to be learnt, and if we forget, then we open a door to allow history to be able to repeat itself. We are meant to grow, in strength and in love.
I hope that  soon, I will be able to look back at this issue that caused such offense, and the hurt and bitterness will not rise like bile in my mouth. Then I truly will know that I have been able to forgive.