O' where o' where is my litle rain cloud

Been feeling a bit weird lately, as if I am coming down with something......but emotionally.

I think its because that normally this time of the year I get to do lots of non work stuff and I cant do this right now.I am a home girl and enjoy pottering around the house, doing "nesting" things. I enjoy making the kids rooms look extra tidy, straightening out their book shelves,  clearing out all the old toys and putting them aside for the community cause box, fiddling in the garden and just taking time off to be by myself.

I love my work, especially being able to  run it from home, but at the moment it seems as if its a huge weight on my shoulders. I have an assistant who comes in three times a week to help me with the admin, which is great, but it also means that I need to be here.

I am also in the thick of self pity. I feel like a complete spare wheel regarding our ladies group. We met again yesterday. I was supposed to be an assistant leader and our lovely leader was very competent and didn't need me the entire year. Picture the donkey in the opening scene of Shrek, jumping up and down constantly saying pick me, pick me, pick me.......

Now picture Eeyore.

Told you I was feeling sorry for myself. I sound like a teenager!!

Falling into the "religious" trap again, instead of being freed from it.

Sometimes going to church is plain old hard work, and to be honest, I sometimes wish I didn't have to go.

Now, before you raise your eye brow,let me explain.
Firstly hubby doesn't go to church. So, taking two little kids who are full of energy by myself isn't easy.

I go to church, not because I have to go, I go because I want to go. Still, it doesn't make it any easier.

Then the crèche only opens after the singing has ended. So, having Adam (2)in the service until then is difficult. The kids like to sing and dance, and often their very voices get louder and louder as the want to show me this, and tell me that!

So today, as Adam was blowing spit bubbles at everyone, I decided that one song was enough and headed to the crèche, where I sat playing toy cars with him for the next half an hour! This is when I start thinking,just remind me why am I here?

So, moving between the creche, the toilets, the back of the church and the front,(yes,the madness is that I enjoy sitting at the front), means that I am seldom focused on the worship, or get to hear the full sermon or the announcements.

I finally sat down to hear the sermon, (not sure how much I had missed), and was immediately absorbed in what Pete, the guest speaker was saying.
Jesus came to set us free. Yes, we all know that, but how often do we turn those who are about to come to Christ to be "set free" or who just have, away, because of our religiosity? Oh sorry, you are not welcome here, because of your lifestyle. You are gay! You have just had an affair with someone I know. I know that you are an unscrupulous businessman. What do you think you are doing here, you hypocrite? And so on and so forth.

I realised that I had become my worst enemy and was judging myself because of who I am, and who I thought I sometimes should be. I recently invited a few friends to a ladies breakfast. Afterwards I kept thinking, I was such a hypocrite, as the night before, we were having a few drinks together and now I sit at a ladies church lunch singing about Jesus.

It was such freedom to be set free the enemies lies. I had fallen, one again, into that religious trap. I am who I am. I am a very real person, and I don't have to be "super-saved", to be accepted by Christ. I am not of this world, but I do live in it, and I need to realise that.

God loves me JUST the way I am. A very real person, who's aim is to be increasingly conformed to the image of Christ, and not to the image of who I think I should be, (or to others in the church, or anywhere else). There is no freedom in law only in Christ.

Karen is back

I was sitting at my desk the other day, wondering if I should close this blog down, as I havent been writing since our peak season with our work, and running two blogs is hard work. Especially when I cant really merge the two. (My work blog's focus is on sharks.)

It never ceases to amaze me how God's hand works. The very next day, I received a comment on this blog, (which I haven't had in months!) God was confirming that I should keep Watering Mustard Seeds, and so I shall.

Grace and the Harvest

I woke up this morning late for church. The kids had gone to sleep over at the in-laws, a first in 2 yrs. My body has been so tired from a hard week being up 3-4 times a night with Adam being a bit sick, and so I must have really needed the rest.

I sat in bed, all alone, drinking my coffee, in a wonderfully quiet house, thinking of our Abba Father, and noticing that I have been in utter peace for while.
I haven't been praying as much, nor reading my bible everyday, nor is my day filled with its usual worship. Yet, still I walk in peace. It dawned on me that am in a state of Grace.

Our God is a good God, a faithful God and a loving God. Here I am, thinking because I am not "doing" what I usually 'do", I should not be allowed to feel this way, so restful, so wonderful.

The Lord showed me a picture of a harvest, and it all made sense. Yes,its harvest time for us. We have sown the seeds for our business, planted and watered and now its time to put our heads down and work, work work. And for the last 2 months I have worked non-stop.

We have a very limited window period in which we can work with Great White Sharks, as its very seasonal, and in spite of the global recession we have been busier than ever.

Its noon now,and I am about to go outside, still in my pj's, and just enjoy the winter sun. I am so lucky to be a daughter of the most high and I am really looking forward to quietly praise Him, in this rare solitude.

Busy Season

Whilst winter is normally quiet for business, this is our busy season. It is the reason why I am not actively posting at the moment. Well, that is not entirely true. I am very active on our shark cage-diving blog. So, if you want to, from time to time, head on over and see what I am doing, that would be wonderful.

Don't forget to drop me a line.

I love this AD

Time Out?

Have you ever felt as if you need a "time out" from God?

I kinda feel that way right now. Perhaps it's because I have been pressing in so hard and fervently for so long that I am just tired out. Perhaps I was trying to hard?

No idea. I just know that I need take a time out.

It can be very cold in South Africa

This cute pic was taken by a farmer in Harrismith. ( google it if you dont know where that is)

Pilot whales beach themselves......

Hi everyone
Please go and read our post today on our other blog site. Please feel free to comment.

Click on http://www.ultimate-animals.com/airjaws-flying-sharks.htm

Dear God....what a terrible thing to happen

Woman arrested for killing kids
22/05/2009 09:49 - (SA)

East London - A 40-year old woman has been arrested for the murder of her two young children, the Dispatch reported on Friday.

The two sisters, aged 7 and 9, were found strangled in their mother's bakkie parked near Kayser's Beach on Thursday afternoon.

The mother had earlier called a friend and told her she planned to kill her children.

"It was her friend who alerted the police, but when we got to Kayser's Beach we could not find her," said police spokesperson Superintendent Mtati Tana.

"We tried calling her to talk her out of it, but by the time we got hold of her along the road it was too late. The kids were dead and she was also bleeding because she had slit her wrists,"

I sit here wondering what was going through this woman's mind. I too have suffered from such a deep depression that I wanted to end my life. But to take your kids with you is a completely different story all together.
Then, to strangle them! Dear God in Heaven. That is the most personal way of killing someone. Shooting is impersonal, but to put your own hands around your kids neck.....Oh my God!

She is alive. Her kids are dead. Her hell is now to sit in jail for the rest of her life knowing what she did.

Why am I posting this story? I honestly don't know. Maybe its because I am a mom and it has gone deep into my soul, that a mom can do this.

This morning I got so cross with my little ones that I yelled and said stuff that was very unloving. I immediately realised this and sorted myself out, and gave them the love they deserve. After all, my behaviour was childish and I am an adult and must behave like one. Its easy to lash out at our kids, after all, they can drive you crazy.

Moms, go give your kids some extra love today. Hug them, hold them, and tell them that you love them. They are not ours, even if they are with us for a life time.
They are precious gifts from God and we need to treat them that way.

Thank you for taking the time to read this post.