The chalk board

 I wrote yesterdays bible verse on my chalk board. I have a big chalk board painted  on my kitchen wall as I had become very forgetful since having kids. It looks very trendy and the kids love doodling on it. I am going to look at the verse all the time ( i have been doing so already), and this is my mediation verse for as long as it is necessary.

I phoned the Dr, and we are going to have a chat on Monday. I think that perhaps my bipolar med need to be adjusted for this period.

On Sunday I planned this weeks menu. I have never done that before. One of my new years resolutions was to stop going to the shops all the time. I tried to match meals where I could use the veg from the one day to the next. ie spare carrots into the pie etc. Another resoultion was to introduce more veg into our meals, and pre planning seemed the best way to do it.
Last night I made a chicken and veg pie. It was awful. I was more than disappointed as it took a great deal of effort to do. The chicken stock was so overpowering that it spoilt everything and so the dogs got the supper and we got to eat the rice. I then had to make everyone scrambled eggs!

Rob cooked spaghetti Bolognase. Cant go wrong with that, except Jordan knocked hers all over the floor. Happy dogs again tonight!

Well, guess what! its 8pm, and my show starts in 30 min. I am going to read the bible now. The best part is that I want to.

Praise be to God!

Are the rainy days set to stay?

Are the rainy days set to stay?

Woke up. The rain cloud was still there, lurking ominously over my head.

I went for a walk this morning to try lift my spirit. Hoping that the little cloud would part a bit and allow some sunshine in for the day.

I had a song in my head. " in your presence that's where I belong', so I began using it as a mantra, talking to my self, reminding myself who I was and where I belonged.

The walk was good. I could feel the blood circulating my system as I briskly walked the neighbourhood.

Got home and immediately had to deal with some problems with the bank, and the darkness came crashing in as I became angry with my situation.

We worship a God who doesn't shout out the answers, but who is gentle and kind. I don't believe in co-incidence when it comes to Him. Everything God does is for a reason.

I sat down at my computer and checked my emails. My daily verse had come in: It was from Psalm 16:

It read: Lord you teach me the way of life. In your presence there is fullness of joy.

Now if that isn't confirmation of what he is whispering to me then what is?

Has the olive tree died?

I think I may be suffering from depression again. I am not to sure when it started as it has crept up slowly upon me.
At first I thought it was a spiritual dry patch I am going through. I havent wanted to pray, nor talk to God nor even read my bible daily.
For those who know me, this is very unlike me. Then I noticed my moods shifting. I have become increasingly sensitive and jumpy, and many of the things my husband has said has been wrong or offensive to me. The strange thing about that is perhaps that is true, but before hand I wouldn't notice or it wouldn't bother me so.
I don't even wish to talk to God about this! Oh dear, oh dear, oh dear!

I will write a bit more tomorrow, as this started before my mom died two weeks ago, but was that the straw that broke the camels back?

O' where o' where is my litle rain cloud

Been feeling a bit weird lately, as if I am coming down with something......but emotionally.

I think its because that normally this time of the year I get to do lots of non work stuff and I cant do this right now.I am a home girl and enjoy pottering around the house, doing "nesting" things. I enjoy making the kids rooms look extra tidy, straightening out their book shelves,  clearing out all the old toys and putting them aside for the community cause box, fiddling in the garden and just taking time off to be by myself.

I love my work, especially being able to  run it from home, but at the moment it seems as if its a huge weight on my shoulders. I have an assistant who comes in three times a week to help me with the admin, which is great, but it also means that I need to be here.

I am also in the thick of self pity. I feel like a complete spare wheel regarding our ladies group. We met again yesterday. I was supposed to be an assistant leader and our lovely leader was very competent and didn't need me the entire year. Picture the donkey in the opening scene of Shrek, jumping up and down constantly saying pick me, pick me, pick me.......

Now picture Eeyore.

Told you I was feeling sorry for myself. I sound like a teenager!!

Falling into the "religious" trap again, instead of being freed from it.

Sometimes going to church is plain old hard work, and to be honest, I sometimes wish I didn't have to go.

Now, before you raise your eye brow,let me explain.
Firstly hubby doesn't go to church. So, taking two little kids who are full of energy by myself isn't easy.

I go to church, not because I have to go, I go because I want to go. Still, it doesn't make it any easier.

Then the crèche only opens after the singing has ended. So, having Adam (2)in the service until then is difficult. The kids like to sing and dance, and often their very voices get louder and louder as the want to show me this, and tell me that!

So today, as Adam was blowing spit bubbles at everyone, I decided that one song was enough and headed to the crèche, where I sat playing toy cars with him for the next half an hour! This is when I start thinking,just remind me why am I here?

So, moving between the creche, the toilets, the back of the church and the front,(yes,the madness is that I enjoy sitting at the front), means that I am seldom focused on the worship, or get to hear the full sermon or the announcements.

I finally sat down to hear the sermon, (not sure how much I had missed), and was immediately absorbed in what Pete, the guest speaker was saying.
Jesus came to set us free. Yes, we all know that, but how often do we turn those who are about to come to Christ to be "set free" or who just have, away, because of our religiosity? Oh sorry, you are not welcome here, because of your lifestyle. You are gay! You have just had an affair with someone I know. I know that you are an unscrupulous businessman. What do you think you are doing here, you hypocrite? And so on and so forth.

I realised that I had become my worst enemy and was judging myself because of who I am, and who I thought I sometimes should be. I recently invited a few friends to a ladies breakfast. Afterwards I kept thinking, I was such a hypocrite, as the night before, we were having a few drinks together and now I sit at a ladies church lunch singing about Jesus.

It was such freedom to be set free the enemies lies. I had fallen, one again, into that religious trap. I am who I am. I am a very real person, and I don't have to be "super-saved", to be accepted by Christ. I am not of this world, but I do live in it, and I need to realise that.

God loves me JUST the way I am. A very real person, who's aim is to be increasingly conformed to the image of Christ, and not to the image of who I think I should be, (or to others in the church, or anywhere else). There is no freedom in law only in Christ.

Karen is back

I was sitting at my desk the other day, wondering if I should close this blog down, as I havent been writing since our peak season with our work, and running two blogs is hard work. Especially when I cant really merge the two. (My work blog's focus is on sharks.)

It never ceases to amaze me how God's hand works. The very next day, I received a comment on this blog, (which I haven't had in months!) God was confirming that I should keep Watering Mustard Seeds, and so I shall.

Grace and the Harvest

I woke up this morning late for church. The kids had gone to sleep over at the in-laws, a first in 2 yrs. My body has been so tired from a hard week being up 3-4 times a night with Adam being a bit sick, and so I must have really needed the rest.

I sat in bed, all alone, drinking my coffee, in a wonderfully quiet house, thinking of our Abba Father, and noticing that I have been in utter peace for while.
I haven't been praying as much, nor reading my bible everyday, nor is my day filled with its usual worship. Yet, still I walk in peace. It dawned on me that am in a state of Grace.

Our God is a good God, a faithful God and a loving God. Here I am, thinking because I am not "doing" what I usually 'do", I should not be allowed to feel this way, so restful, so wonderful.

The Lord showed me a picture of a harvest, and it all made sense. Yes,its harvest time for us. We have sown the seeds for our business, planted and watered and now its time to put our heads down and work, work work. And for the last 2 months I have worked non-stop.

We have a very limited window period in which we can work with Great White Sharks, as its very seasonal, and in spite of the global recession we have been busier than ever.

Its noon now,and I am about to go outside, still in my pj's, and just enjoy the winter sun. I am so lucky to be a daughter of the most high and I am really looking forward to quietly praise Him, in this rare solitude.

Busy Season

Whilst winter is normally quiet for business, this is our busy season. It is the reason why I am not actively posting at the moment. Well, that is not entirely true. I am very active on our shark cage-diving blog. So, if you want to, from time to time, head on over and see what I am doing, that would be wonderful.

Don't forget to drop me a line.

I love this AD

Time Out?

Have you ever felt as if you need a "time out" from God?

I kinda feel that way right now. Perhaps it's because I have been pressing in so hard and fervently for so long that I am just tired out. Perhaps I was trying to hard?

No idea. I just know that I need take a time out.