2 Cor 4:8-9
8"We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; 9persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed".
This has been the theme for the past month. I retreated into myself. To be honest, I was in despair for a while to.
I have had the worst time,fatigue and depression wise and it threw me badly. Is shook the foundations of my faith, the foundations of my marriage and my soul. I went into a complete black hole of darkness and could for the life of me, not see one step forward.I felt like a total wreck.
Someone once asked, what is it like to suffer from severe depression. I replied "it is if you have just walked into a black and white movie, and someone has sucked all the joy out of your life".
I have had to force myself to get out of bed, be a mom, try run a business and try to be a wife. The wife bit fell apart as I just had nothing to give and so my husband has been feeling so rejected and unloved.
I cried and cried out to the Lord in utter despair and hopelessness.One day I woke up and remembered something. Something that shifted my depression and gave me hope.
Talk the answer, not the problem. The answer is in God's word. Then, "the Holy Spirit, your teacher will reveal the things that have been freely given to us by God." (Jn 14.26)
The other verse was 2 Cor 5:7 Walk by faith and not by sight.
I had forgotten to walk by faith. I was trusting the Lord, yet set my sights on what I saw "my situation".
It was then, the Lord renewed my strength, and reminded me that I had not been abandoned, even if I felt that way.
I learnt the biggest life lesson: I take on too much.I will not break the fatigue cycle if I don't stop overdoing it when I am feeling well. So, I have handed over many chores and duties to my hubby. If he is home, he can fetch the kids. He can help me by do the shopping and if he doesn't like egg on toast if I am not up to making a better meal, then he is welcome to cook.( And so he has, bless him).
God is good.
So, that is why I have not been around. I had no energy to even blog. I am taking it one day at a time. Some days are good and really joyful, others not.
When I can, I will next share how I believe I have grown in Christ during this period.
God Bless you all, and thank you for all the kind posts of late. I really have appreciated it sooooooo much.