Time for God

Make your quiet time no1. priority in your day. Remember, your quiet time is your meeting with God.

Hosanna

For a long time this song was my no1, and had become more than just worship to me it was a deep felt prayer.

Heal my heart and make it clean

Open up my eyes to the things unseen

Show me how to love like you have loved me

Break my heart from what breaks your

Everything I am for your kingdom's cause

As I walk from earth into eternity

Hearts always hunger for.....

This is for a precious young lady that works for me. Ron, I want you to know that you are very loved and your faith and dedication to your friend is one of such pure "servant hood". May you find healing for your soul in this video.

Happy Rain

This is a short post to remind you to never give up on someone or a situation. Some prayers are only answered through prayer and fasting. When these prayers start to be answered, its as if really fat happy droplets of water are falling onto the situation . And it makes me so happy, filled with incredible joy. One of my prayers have been for a friend of mine who I have been been praying for a few years now. This beautiful song is for you my sweet friend.

A fool and a fight

Proverb 20 vs 3 is one that every married woman needs to learn and  take to heart.

It is to a man's (persons) honour (or benefit) to avoid strife (conflict/ fight), but a fool is quick to quarrel.
 NIV

It is a fact: Men come from Mars and Woman come from Venus. Last night I forgot that Martians really, and I mean REALLY do not understand woman at all, and that trying to talk to them over a situation of the heart from a Venusian point of view can often land up in a quarrel, which is not the best thing to have  before bed time.
You see, I often forget to take my pretty Venusian glasses off and put on Martian glasses so I can see things  through a Martians point of view. I also forgot that Martians don't like to talk when they are about to go to sleep.

After the quarrel, which meant that I could not sleep,I realised that it is better to sit on my feelings (which I later realised were  feelings of insecurity) and talk them over with God, then to try just blurt out what is on your mind  to a Martian.
This brings me to the proverb I read this morning. Woman are very quick to talk about what is on their mind. There is nothing wrong with that, but when its matters of the heart or marriage, it is best to think over things very carefully, weigh up everything and then, when the timings right, not as you are about to hop into bed, decide if you need to have have a chat about it.

Last night when I realised my fear was based on insecurity and it was an unnatural fear over the particular issue, I  understood why we are to capture all thoughts and take them to God. ( 2 Cor 10.4-5). When we have negative or worrying thoughts, we need to take them to God, pray over them, and get guidance from the scriptures. We also need to speak life over the situation. Feelings are just feelings, its what we do with them. We must never let them get control over us. We need to line up our thinking with God and His word.
Joyce Meyer calls it, the " battlefield of the mind", and she is 100% correct. And its a constant battle. We need to renew our minds daily, meditate on what is good,  whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely,  whatever is admirable--if anything is excellent or admirable think about such things.(Phil. 4:8)

Its time for me to log off now, but I just want to ask you what is going on in your mind? Is it filled with peace, or anxiety and fear? Let me know!

The chalk board

 I wrote yesterdays bible verse on my chalk board. I have a big chalk board painted  on my kitchen wall as I had become very forgetful since having kids. It looks very trendy and the kids love doodling on it. I am going to look at the verse all the time ( i have been doing so already), and this is my mediation verse for as long as it is necessary.

I phoned the Dr, and we are going to have a chat on Monday. I think that perhaps my bipolar med need to be adjusted for this period.

On Sunday I planned this weeks menu. I have never done that before. One of my new years resolutions was to stop going to the shops all the time. I tried to match meals where I could use the veg from the one day to the next. ie spare carrots into the pie etc. Another resoultion was to introduce more veg into our meals, and pre planning seemed the best way to do it.
Last night I made a chicken and veg pie. It was awful. I was more than disappointed as it took a great deal of effort to do. The chicken stock was so overpowering that it spoilt everything and so the dogs got the supper and we got to eat the rice. I then had to make everyone scrambled eggs!

Rob cooked spaghetti Bolognase. Cant go wrong with that, except Jordan knocked hers all over the floor. Happy dogs again tonight!

Well, guess what! its 8pm, and my show starts in 30 min. I am going to read the bible now. The best part is that I want to.

Praise be to God!

Karen is back

I was sitting at my desk the other day, wondering if I should close this blog down, as I havent been writing since our peak season with our work, and running two blogs is hard work. Especially when I cant really merge the two. (My work blog's focus is on sharks.)

It never ceases to amaze me how God's hand works. The very next day, I received a comment on this blog, (which I haven't had in months!) God was confirming that I should keep Watering Mustard Seeds, and so I shall.

Grace and the Harvest

I woke up this morning late for church. The kids had gone to sleep over at the in-laws, a first in 2 yrs. My body has been so tired from a hard week being up 3-4 times a night with Adam being a bit sick, and so I must have really needed the rest.

I sat in bed, all alone, drinking my coffee, in a wonderfully quiet house, thinking of our Abba Father, and noticing that I have been in utter peace for while.
I haven't been praying as much, nor reading my bible everyday, nor is my day filled with its usual worship. Yet, still I walk in peace. It dawned on me that am in a state of Grace.

Our God is a good God, a faithful God and a loving God. Here I am, thinking because I am not "doing" what I usually 'do", I should not be allowed to feel this way, so restful, so wonderful.

The Lord showed me a picture of a harvest, and it all made sense. Yes,its harvest time for us. We have sown the seeds for our business, planted and watered and now its time to put our heads down and work, work work. And for the last 2 months I have worked non-stop.

We have a very limited window period in which we can work with Great White Sharks, as its very seasonal, and in spite of the global recession we have been busier than ever.

Its noon now,and I am about to go outside, still in my pj's, and just enjoy the winter sun. I am so lucky to be a daughter of the most high and I am really looking forward to quietly praise Him, in this rare solitude.

The Shack, trusting God and so much more.

I have just finished reading "The Shack", by William Young. To be honest, I did not find it particularly AMAZING, awesome, nor tear jerking (although the end made me teary!). However there was a few RHEMA sentences that the Holy Spirit revealed to me.

I have been struggling with trust. Trusting God as we walk through new territory. Not only have I been struggling with trust, I have really been wrestling with it, especially in my prayer life.
When I read the book "practising the presence of God", a short while ago, I struggled to understand how he, Brother Lawrence, could totally surrender EVERYTHINGto the Father. Its not that I don't want to, don't get me wrong, its that I can't.

And so, in His perfect timing,The Holy Spirit revealed to me. Trust is the fruit of a relationship where you know you are loved......and because you don't know that I (God/Jesus) love you, you cannot trust me.

Now this sounds so simple, doesn't it. Of course I know God loves me,I am a believer and follower of Christ. But,I clearly do not know the DEPTH of His love for me. And I now see that if I did, I would be able to move mountains.

So, where to from here? Well, I believe the answer is to keep abiding in Christ. I so badly want what Brother Lawrence had, to give up the right to decide what is good and evil on my own terms and chose only to live in Christ. I want it now. I want it NOW. God's timing is perfect, and He know's I am an impatient child.

It reminds me of that joke, "how do you eat an elephant? Answer, one bite at a time."

The shift

I think a shift has started.

In my last post, remember I said that God clearly said to me that love is not enough and that you have to be obedient. Well, obedience is the theme that has slowly been weaving its way into my life. It has been so subtle that I did not recognise it, until now. In my daily readings, I have been going through Deuteronomy. Disobedience was the key factor for Moses not being allowed into The Promised Land. Obedience is the reason why Joshua took Jericho and then annihilated nation after nation. Obedience is what I have been reading in the psalms and proverbs over the last month...and still I did not get it until that revelation, sunk deeply into my heart.

The next day I wanted to do some reading. I didn't feel like reading any of the books I have been reading of late, and so I went to my book shelf. Immediately I was drawn to a book that has been gathering dust for a long time. It was "The Devils door" by John Bevere. After reading a chapter I noticed on the cover was written "How obedience to God can protect you from the bondage of sin".
How did I miss that? It surely was not a coincidence. The Lord is talking to me. He is not quiet. He is whispering and directing me and I........am listening.

Do I think my winter period is over? I don't know, but I know that something has changed. I also noticed that my prayers over this week end have not been bouncing and echoing back to me.

I must be careful that I don't run with this and try and "lead" instead of waiting and listening, and then being obedient and being a doer. A doer of the word and not of the church. By this I mean not doing out of duty, pressure or obligation, or what I think is right. Just doing because that is what the Holy Spirit wants me to do, and this includes doing nothing when God is silent.

Winter wonderland

Been going through the book "prayer" by Richard Foster. This is a heavy book to read and so I am going through it in stages as I feel the H/S promptings.

Just finished the chapter called Formative prayer, which is the process of transformation to be Christ like.

He opens with this, which I fell in love with....The primary purpose of prayer is to bring us into such a life of communion with the Father that by the power of the Spirit we are increasingly conformed to the image of the Son. Isn't that such a beautiful way of summing up prayer.

He talks about how in our walk of eagerly pursuing God, we are slowly moulded and shaped bit by bit, IF we allow ourselves to be.

In fact as I read this chapter I saw myself, and realised that this chapter is where I am in life. How I am being drawn into Solitude. How I am being stripped away of all I hold dear to me, and also of parts of me, branches, you could say, that are dead.

I realise how much pride I have in me. I was so proud that "my calling" is prayer.contemplative, meditative prayer.Now I cant even pray the simplest prayer. There is no desire, nothing, its all flat flat flat. I began to think that that I was "so special" because I heard constantly from God. Now it feels like everything I say bounces and echo's back to me.

Its been months and months now like this. However I know that I am bathed in grace. I can feel it, sense it, KNOW it. God is good. He is loving, and He is kind. I am being held at an arms length, but its Him who is doing the holding and I am safe.

Richard Foster calls this the Blessedness of Winter.To the outward eye everything looks barren and unsightly. Our many defeats, flaws, weaknesses and imperfections stand our in bold relief. ( and in my eyes they are so glaring). But only the outward virtues have collapsed, the principle of virtue is actually being strengthened.
The soul is venturing forth into the interior. Real solitude,enduring virtues begin to develop deep within. Pure love is being birthed.

I cant claim this as my own as I feel nothing.As painful as this is, I must accept that this is where I am and humbly as God that through Christ, our Lord, that He continue the good work that He started.

I declared simply to God last night that I loved Him so much. He answered gently but loudly...Love is not enough, You (Karen) have to be obedient.

Riding the storm

I have been quiet lately as I have just been going through some hectic stuff (a lot inside my head), and I have been to tired to blog.

Last Saturday I had a frank conversation with God. It was our usual one way conversation,with him being so quiet still (but oh so active!!) and me doing all the talking.
I had come to the end of myself with my health. (Isn't that funny, as I kept thinking haven't I done that already). Once again I handed it to him and decided that I was not going to fight it. I was "done" fighting and trying to get better my way, and that I had accepted that Jesus will heal me when the time is right.

So the next day, surprise surprise, I was sick as a dog, and I have pretty much remained that way until Friday. I made another doc appointment, in case I needed antibiotics as my glands where swollen like golf balls and I could barely swallow.

I go home really depressed and for this entire week have been in Psalm 22. In fact I could have written it myself. All week I have cried out to God for help. The kind of on your knees praying or curled up in a ball praying, desperate pleas from a desperately seeking Karen.

I know He hears me. I have no doubt in that at all. I also know that I am meant to be here, stuck in this "Feeling like" God Forsaken, but not forsaken desert.But its painful.Really really painful.

Been reading a bit of Brother Lawrence, (Its a book I cant read through quickly and so sometimes,I just read a page here and a page there.)and is what prompted me to "lay it all down again".

So that is where I am. Today I am looking up and looking forward. Today I am tired but its a good day.

Resurfacing

I want to share how I have been feeling this past week. Feeling like death warmed up is terribly hard on one's soul.I am constantly thinking about myself, and I hate it. I hate being the centre of my attention. I hate forgetting about God. It hurts so much. The truth of the matter is that I have been too tired....too tired even for God!

And then at the end of the day, the doubts set in. Like the comical devil on the left shoulder and the angel on my right, my thoughts start to wage a war in my head. The "little devil" would have a go, bringing me down, telling me what a crap Christian I am, how I don't measure up, how if my hearts desire is "prayer streaming 24/7" and meditation, how can I not bother to even do a little prayer. The "little angel" will try talk sense, try telling me that falling asleep whilst praying brings such joy to God. Would I berate my child for falling asleep in my lap? It is that thought I have been clinging too all week.

Today during "nap time", I drew comfort to a few comments from Joyce Huggett's "Open to God". I quote... Real faith sets in reservations, doubts and misgivings on one side and takes God at his word when he says that he loves us. Real Faith goes further. It stakes its life on trustworthiness and promises of God. But such is Gods love that he woos to himself not just those who expect that he will fulfil all his promises, but also the doubters: those whose faith is no bigger than a mustard seed.

This hit home. My blog url is wateringmustardseeds. God is continually watering my little mustard seed, even when I feel useless,not just when I feel super strong.

He wants me just to love Him when I feel this way. And I do!! I love him unashamedly. I may not be able to meditate, or contemplate, but I can quieten my heart and just love Him. Not wanting anything in return.

And so, that is what I did............ Ahhh such peace!!!

Reflections from the desert

Here is my heart I give it Lord to You
Here is my life I lay it before You
Where else could I go
And what else could I do, if I did not know you?

How deeply I need You my Lord

Like the desert needs the rain......I need You
Like the oceans need the streams.....I need You
Like the morning needs the sun..... I need You

Lord You are my only one
(Darrell Evans)

This echo's my thoughts today.

When I realised God was leading me back into the desert I was angry.
No I was more than angry, I was mad as hell and deeply upset.
Why would He do this to me....again?
Doesn't He know that I have been knocking and knocking on that door, only to get a glimpse of what lay behind it, and now its shut firmly. What kind of loving Father is He?
And so on and so forth went my thoughts.

Then with the desert came the depression.
Come on Lord, give me a break here please.
And with the desert came the chronic fatigue again...and the pain.

Once again I pleaded, Lord give me a break....damn it.

You see, I had been in a beautiful place.
A place where the joy of the Lord was bubbling within me 24/7
I would wake up with a song on my lips and so I would then praise God from that song all day.
I had also been in 24/7 "prayer streaming" mode with Him. We would talk and talk all day and I just basked in the Glow of the Lord....literally.
I could not wait to read the word. Every page came alive for me.

In this phase I just drank deeply from the "well of life" and I loved living.

Now.....argh! The bible is a heavy weight of a book. Prayer is argh...completely dead to me. I have to force myself and remind myself to pray. Force myself to praise Him. My contemplative prayer is gone, as I just have no desire to meditate.

Something in me changed this week end as I pondered over this situation. I remembered the vision of the elephant recently and then the penny dropped! The light came on.

I will share more of this in my next blog.

I emailed a good friend who lives in Australia a recent post of my blog. She said my son looks like cheeky.
Yes,I think I agree on this, that he is going to be a cheeky bugger. Today we went to the shops and Adam went on a little mechanical toy pay ride. You know the type,that goes up and down,(a horse, a car etc)and they last about a minute or so. After the third ride we had to go. Boy oh boy did I see the biggest tantrum yet! These huge tears poured down his chubby cheeks. He tried to curl up in the little car ride and then hugged it. I had to peel him off. He then screamed bloody blue murder for about 5 minutes straight.

I deal with tantrums by ignoring them. Completely! However being in a shopping centre full of Christmas shoppers, this was no easy feat. After a minute or so of screaming, we had begun to attract a small audience.I am sure most of them thought "cant that woman just shut that kid up". I marched him to the ladies toilets, changed his nappy,(he was still screaming), only now it was being echoed through out the stalls, and popped him back into the shopping trolley.

Praise the Lord! My husband arrives. We swop children and head for the nearest exit. Alas no shopping was done today.

What did I learn today. Well I have been praying for patience recently. Today, He gave me the opportunity!! God has a funny sense of humour. Gotta love Him!!