Grace and the Harvest

I woke up this morning late for church. The kids had gone to sleep over at the in-laws, a first in 2 yrs. My body has been so tired from a hard week being up 3-4 times a night with Adam being a bit sick, and so I must have really needed the rest.

I sat in bed, all alone, drinking my coffee, in a wonderfully quiet house, thinking of our Abba Father, and noticing that I have been in utter peace for while.
I haven't been praying as much, nor reading my bible everyday, nor is my day filled with its usual worship. Yet, still I walk in peace. It dawned on me that am in a state of Grace.

Our God is a good God, a faithful God and a loving God. Here I am, thinking because I am not "doing" what I usually 'do", I should not be allowed to feel this way, so restful, so wonderful.

The Lord showed me a picture of a harvest, and it all made sense. Yes,its harvest time for us. We have sown the seeds for our business, planted and watered and now its time to put our heads down and work, work work. And for the last 2 months I have worked non-stop.

We have a very limited window period in which we can work with Great White Sharks, as its very seasonal, and in spite of the global recession we have been busier than ever.

Its noon now,and I am about to go outside, still in my pj's, and just enjoy the winter sun. I am so lucky to be a daughter of the most high and I am really looking forward to quietly praise Him, in this rare solitude.

The Shack, trusting God and so much more.

I have just finished reading "The Shack", by William Young. To be honest, I did not find it particularly AMAZING, awesome, nor tear jerking (although the end made me teary!). However there was a few RHEMA sentences that the Holy Spirit revealed to me.

I have been struggling with trust. Trusting God as we walk through new territory. Not only have I been struggling with trust, I have really been wrestling with it, especially in my prayer life.
When I read the book "practising the presence of God", a short while ago, I struggled to understand how he, Brother Lawrence, could totally surrender EVERYTHINGto the Father. Its not that I don't want to, don't get me wrong, its that I can't.

And so, in His perfect timing,The Holy Spirit revealed to me. Trust is the fruit of a relationship where you know you are loved......and because you don't know that I (God/Jesus) love you, you cannot trust me.

Now this sounds so simple, doesn't it. Of course I know God loves me,I am a believer and follower of Christ. But,I clearly do not know the DEPTH of His love for me. And I now see that if I did, I would be able to move mountains.

So, where to from here? Well, I believe the answer is to keep abiding in Christ. I so badly want what Brother Lawrence had, to give up the right to decide what is good and evil on my own terms and chose only to live in Christ. I want it now. I want it NOW. God's timing is perfect, and He know's I am an impatient child.

It reminds me of that joke, "how do you eat an elephant? Answer, one bite at a time."

The shift

I think a shift has started.

In my last post, remember I said that God clearly said to me that love is not enough and that you have to be obedient. Well, obedience is the theme that has slowly been weaving its way into my life. It has been so subtle that I did not recognise it, until now. In my daily readings, I have been going through Deuteronomy. Disobedience was the key factor for Moses not being allowed into The Promised Land. Obedience is the reason why Joshua took Jericho and then annihilated nation after nation. Obedience is what I have been reading in the psalms and proverbs over the last month...and still I did not get it until that revelation, sunk deeply into my heart.

The next day I wanted to do some reading. I didn't feel like reading any of the books I have been reading of late, and so I went to my book shelf. Immediately I was drawn to a book that has been gathering dust for a long time. It was "The Devils door" by John Bevere. After reading a chapter I noticed on the cover was written "How obedience to God can protect you from the bondage of sin".
How did I miss that? It surely was not a coincidence. The Lord is talking to me. He is not quiet. He is whispering and directing me and I........am listening.

Do I think my winter period is over? I don't know, but I know that something has changed. I also noticed that my prayers over this week end have not been bouncing and echoing back to me.

I must be careful that I don't run with this and try and "lead" instead of waiting and listening, and then being obedient and being a doer. A doer of the word and not of the church. By this I mean not doing out of duty, pressure or obligation, or what I think is right. Just doing because that is what the Holy Spirit wants me to do, and this includes doing nothing when God is silent.

Winter wonderland

Been going through the book "prayer" by Richard Foster. This is a heavy book to read and so I am going through it in stages as I feel the H/S promptings.

Just finished the chapter called Formative prayer, which is the process of transformation to be Christ like.

He opens with this, which I fell in love with....The primary purpose of prayer is to bring us into such a life of communion with the Father that by the power of the Spirit we are increasingly conformed to the image of the Son. Isn't that such a beautiful way of summing up prayer.

He talks about how in our walk of eagerly pursuing God, we are slowly moulded and shaped bit by bit, IF we allow ourselves to be.

In fact as I read this chapter I saw myself, and realised that this chapter is where I am in life. How I am being drawn into Solitude. How I am being stripped away of all I hold dear to me, and also of parts of me, branches, you could say, that are dead.

I realise how much pride I have in me. I was so proud that "my calling" is prayer.contemplative, meditative prayer.Now I cant even pray the simplest prayer. There is no desire, nothing, its all flat flat flat. I began to think that that I was "so special" because I heard constantly from God. Now it feels like everything I say bounces and echo's back to me.

Its been months and months now like this. However I know that I am bathed in grace. I can feel it, sense it, KNOW it. God is good. He is loving, and He is kind. I am being held at an arms length, but its Him who is doing the holding and I am safe.

Richard Foster calls this the Blessedness of Winter.To the outward eye everything looks barren and unsightly. Our many defeats, flaws, weaknesses and imperfections stand our in bold relief. ( and in my eyes they are so glaring). But only the outward virtues have collapsed, the principle of virtue is actually being strengthened.
The soul is venturing forth into the interior. Real solitude,enduring virtues begin to develop deep within. Pure love is being birthed.

I cant claim this as my own as I feel nothing.As painful as this is, I must accept that this is where I am and humbly as God that through Christ, our Lord, that He continue the good work that He started.

I declared simply to God last night that I loved Him so much. He answered gently but loudly...Love is not enough, You (Karen) have to be obedient.

Back on blogland

It has been over a month since my last blog, which I hope will be my last "mini sabbatical" from blogging.

I was hell of a tired, and had so much work to for our company, that when I had any free time, it was spent just trying to look after myself and the family.

We have been away on holiday for the last 2 and a half weeks, and I would love to share our holiday pics with you all. We went away to Botswana ( again!!),
We went to our families ( in laws) game farm. Real bush, real Africa, not like the fancy 5 star lodges, that try to convince you that this is what real Africa is like. We have no electricity, no generators, no gas ( except for the fridges) and no cell phone coverage.This is our 3rd time back, and its fast becoming our favourite destination.

Each night you sit under the stars, watching the fire and getting lost in time. Its really therapeutic for the soul and its just what I needed. One of the group brought an astronomical telescope. It was amazing to look at the stars and planets ( I saw Saturn, boy is it beautiful!).I was drawn back to how our God, the creator of the universe placed each one in the sky and knows them all by name. It makes me very humble to then think how insignificant I am, and yet I am the apple of His eye.

Here is a picture of the moon taken through the telescope. Stunning Hey?

Spiritual Weakling?

I have had a very rough two weeks. My fatigue has been incredibly bad, and I would link that to the stress that I am going through with work. We have had some restructuring of our business and it has been very hard emotionally on me.

I have a little prayer card that I wrote down from Col 3 15-17.

Let the peace of Christ rule in my heart. Let the word of Christ dwell richly in me.

And in whatever I do, in word or deed, I will try do it all in the name of Jesus.

I have not tried to dwell on the issue to much, but being right in the situation, I have had no peace. Time and time I have handed this over to the Lord, but I can honestly say I have not stepped back enough to give it completely over to Him. The crux of the matter is I honestly don't know how to do this.

Why can I totally hand some issues over and others, I dont know how to step away from them?

Its not a trust issue here, but I think perhaps a personality one.Why do I allow myself to get so worked up and upset?

From today I am going to say "Father,I chose to hand today over to you. Teach me to walk in peace through this period."

I took these two pictures on holiday. They are very peaceful. Just looking at them reminds me that our creator made all. How big our God is, and how little my problems are.
God, you are wonderful, loving, merciful, good, just,and kind. Thank you for your patience with me.
Your loving daughter
Karen