Saturday, January 31, 2009

A big fright

Yesterday I woke up feeling really great. I guess Abba Father was giving me strength for what was to come.

I have been feeling jolly flabby due to the lack of exercise. As I was feeling top of the pops, I took the pram out and walked the kids to school. 1.5km for Jordan and a bit less for Adam. Then headed off to yoga class.My muscles have been really sore again due to the lack of stretching and it was a really hard class for me. Ran with pram to fetch the kids later on. Wow, still not tired...whoopee....

Adam woke from his nap with a really high temp. 38'. I didn't think much of it as he apparently cried all morning at crèche, so I thought it was due to that. Gave him a Panado suppository and he seemed much better an hour later.

We headed off to the in laws so Jordan could swim. Mommy forgot her swimming lesson and she was beside herself. Adam seemed okay, a bit hot, so I took his temp from there old fashioned thermometer and showed normal. Gave him some tea!
On the way home I watched my little boy have a seizure. It was the most awful thing to experience. I jumped into the back of the car, pulled him out his car seat and held him whilst he was convulsing. Rob was shouting "breathe for him" as he was starting to go blue.

The nearest day hospital was three minutes away. I am so thankful now that we where not at home then, as we live over the mountain from the in laws 20 min away, and that would have been a long way to drive.

I started to quietly pray in the Spirit as there was nothing more for me to do. Got to hospital,temp now 39.4'. They stabilized him whilst I "told God" to make him better.

2hrs later, he seemed better and we took him home. Spend the rest of the night holding him over many buckets, and changing about 20 runny nappies.

Today he is fine. Runny poops starting to lessen and he is now so far going on a 3 hr nap. Mom had a nice 2 hr nap.Praise God!!

Rob asked me later if I was praying in tongues. I said yes and it was a chance for me to witness a bit to him. (Which is a miracle in itself). A few minutes later I could sense the walls going up and so conversation topic ended.

I have no idea what yesterday was about. God gave me the strength to cope, my son is fine and we are all fine.

Praise Jesus!!

Riding the storm

I have been quiet lately as I have just been going through some hectic stuff (a lot inside my head), and I have been to tired to blog.

Last Saturday I had a frank conversation with God. It was our usual one way conversation,with him being so quiet still (but oh so active!!) and me doing all the talking.
I had come to the end of myself with my health. (Isn't that funny, as I kept thinking haven't I done that already). Once again I handed it to him and decided that I was not going to fight it. I was "done" fighting and trying to get better my way, and that I had accepted that Jesus will heal me when the time is right.

So the next day, surprise surprise, I was sick as a dog, and I have pretty much remained that way until Friday. I made another doc appointment, in case I needed antibiotics as my glands where swollen like golf balls and I could barely swallow.

I go home really depressed and for this entire week have been in Psalm 22. In fact I could have written it myself. All week I have cried out to God for help. The kind of on your knees praying or curled up in a ball praying, desperate pleas from a desperately seeking Karen.

I know He hears me. I have no doubt in that at all. I also know that I am meant to be here, stuck in this "Feeling like" God Forsaken, but not forsaken desert.But its painful.Really really painful.

Been reading a bit of Brother Lawrence, (Its a book I cant read through quickly and so sometimes,I just read a page here and a page there.)and is what prompted me to "lay it all down again".

So that is where I am. Today I am looking up and looking forward. Today I am tired but its a good day.

Thursday, January 22, 2009

21 Days

They say it takes to 21 days to form a habit. Today is the 22nd of Jan and I have been doing my bible readings now from Jan 1st. I hope its a habit I will keep for the rest of my life! I wasn't doing to badly last year, but then I started to slip up, and by the time Dec arrived, I was 2 months behind and there was no way of catching up!

The last two days I have been going over psalm 18. It didn't really grab my attention until my "nap time", when I started to journal a bit. I immediately started to confirm that God is my fortress, my rock and my salvation. Suddenly that psalm came to life and it became my "Rhema Word".

Here are parts of it that "shouted to me". Its in no order, but as I journalled.

I will love thee, O LORD, my strength.
Psalms 18:1 (KJV)The LORD is my rock, and my fortress, and my deliverer; my God, my strength, in whom I will trust
Psalms 18:2 (KJV)
In my distress I called upon the LORD, and cried unto my God: he heard my voice out of his temple, and my cry came before him, even into his earsPsalms 18:6 (KJV)
The LORD rewarded me according to my righteousness; according to the cleanness of my hands hath he recompensed me.
Psalms 18:20 (KJV)I was praying over a situation which has hurt us financially, and I was filled with hate towards this ungodly evil businessman.I kept saying, how would Jesus respond. Help me pray Lord as I cant think good thoughts about this person. Help me be pure in heart. The sorrows of death compassed me, and the floods of ungodly men made me afraid.
Psalms 18:4 (KJV)
Psalms 18:34 (KJV)

19 He brought me forth also into a large place; he delivered me, because he delighted in me.
Psalms 18:19 (KJV)

Isn't our God good. More to follow.....

Wednesday, January 21, 2009

A letter to a friend

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Jordan started Preschool today.
We went to her orientation morning yesterday, and she was soooo excited. She met her teacher, Mrs Lindeque (who Rob thinks is cute!!,he said he pictured an old granny!)

When I saw her little cubical and her little hook with her sunny face name tag for her to hang her own stuff I wanted to cry. It was so sweet.

I had to bring a face cloth and hand towel for her. She wanted pink.I also had to sew two pink face clothes together to make her a little hand towel,(and there where no pink towels, so I had to improvise). I couldn’t find her a pink apron ( all sold out) , so a pooh bear one was the next best. I had to sew it smaller and make it a 'easy slip on one", which took me hours to do, as I had to hand sew everything. I would love to buy a sewing machine, but don’t think I have the time or energy to take it up as a hobby!

She was so excited about everything, the swings, the big dolls house, the sand pit, the water troughs that they learn tactile games etc. She was on such a high after wards that it was a nightmare calming her down.

I am happy that it’s a nice good school, with a small class of 13, and everything looks so nice and clean.

Dad wanted to drop her off at school, so he arrived here at 7.15. I was super surprised at the effort. Very nice of him.

Adam is well. He is starting to talk so much, (much earlier than Jordan). He also shows me things and will take us by the hand and point to what he wants which is suprising for a boy. His new favorite words are nose,( pronounced nnnnnnoooooossseee) and eyes (iiiiiiiiisss) and moo. His favourite game is pulling out the garden plants. Every day I find my seedlings all over the place.

Otherwise we are all well. I am feeling much better today. Last week was very hard on me and I had to rest everyday and was in bed by around 7.30. I have had to go back on my strict wheat free, no dairy, no sugar diet,No enjoyment of food diet and I think that is why I am feeling better, as I started this again on Friday. I ate brown rice and lentils for three days straight. Not very interesting and not much one can do to "add more flavour to it" At least I am very "regular' ha ha ha.

I have had to change meds and add new supplements, and it has just got so expensive now. Its costing us ave 1500pm on medical bills. I am really going to be good on the diet, so we can see if we can reduce some of this as we just cant afford it all.

The house is now all repainted and looking great. They say it’s a 7 yr paint, and so lets hope it is!! We have also done a lot of work maintenance wise, and so we hope this shark season will be good for us. I am finally getting my bedroom door fixed!!! Its been 17 months with a big hole in it, thanks to Jordan!!

Well, thats all from me. Cant wait to see you in Feb. xxx Karen


I want to share how I have been feeling this past week. Feeling like death warmed up is terribly hard on one's soul.I am constantly thinking about myself, and I hate it. I hate being the centre of my attention. I hate forgetting about God. It hurts so much. The truth of the matter is that I have been too tired....too tired even for God!

And then at the end of the day, the doubts set in. Like the comical devil on the left shoulder and the angel on my right, my thoughts start to wage a war in my head. The "little devil" would have a go, bringing me down, telling me what a crap Christian I am, how I don't measure up, how if my hearts desire is "prayer streaming 24/7" and meditation, how can I not bother to even do a little prayer. The "little angel" will try talk sense, try telling me that falling asleep whilst praying brings such joy to God. Would I berate my child for falling asleep in my lap? It is that thought I have been clinging too all week.

Today during "nap time", I drew comfort to a few comments from Joyce Huggett's "Open to God". I quote... Real faith sets in reservations, doubts and misgivings on one side and takes God at his word when he says that he loves us. Real Faith goes further. It stakes its life on trustworthiness and promises of God. But such is Gods love that he woos to himself not just those who expect that he will fulfil all his promises, but also the doubters: those whose faith is no bigger than a mustard seed.

This hit home. My blog url is wateringmustardseeds. God is continually watering my little mustard seed, even when I feel useless,not just when I feel super strong.

He wants me just to love Him when I feel this way. And I do!! I love him unashamedly. I may not be able to meditate, or contemplate, but I can quieten my heart and just love Him. Not wanting anything in return.

And so, that is what I did............ Ahhh such peace!!!

Thursday, January 15, 2009

Tired and Miserable

Monday...tired but all is well. Had to rest in the afternoon
Tuesday..more tired but all is well..was able to go out for dinner
Wednesday the wheels fell off the bus. I woke up with a neck spasm and a headache from hell and felt like I had a hangover. One slight problem is that you need to consume large volumes of booze, and I am a teetotaller. I cant drink more than a glass of vino other wise I get horribly ill. Kinda rules that one out.

By Mid afternoon the gremlins has stopped bashing my head, but I still felt like crap. I had a meeting with my accountant who really 'cheered" me up. She said gosh, you look like death..... And I had put on some make-up and thought I looked somewhat fresher than I felt.

I tried again to have a nap, but the kids had discovered that screaming in the garden, whilst running under the sprinkler was super fun and who was I to tell them to stop?

7.30 got into bed, took a sleeping tablet that my dr recommended when I am like this and slept for 12 hrs.

Woke up 7.30.....exhausted and ratty...and so the cycle continues....

My prayer today is the same as before

God, when will you answer me?
I dont want to live being
half a wife
half a mom
and half a business partner. When I am like this, I am forgetful, horrible to live with, moody and prickly as a prickly pear.How long must this go on for? Being tired!!

I have done everything to get better, prayer meetings, dr's, pills. vitamins
When Lord When??

Sunday, January 11, 2009

Britian, get OVER yourself

I turned on Sky News this morning to see Britian in an uproar over a few measly remarks Prince Harry had made THREE years ago whilst on active duty. He called his friend and fellow soldier, a Paki and then joked with another soldier saying you look like a rag head!!

Britian, get OVER yourself. The guy is young, he was just being a normal soldier, joking around. Its not as if he was walking in central London going around insulting people.
For goodness sake, if that is the worst the guy can do in the army then he is not doing badly at all.

Its not as if he slept with an HIV woman without a condom, was accused of rape and went to trial, or is being prosecuted for fraud and corruption, like our ANC president Jacob Zuma. Now reporters out there, that is worth writing about!!!!

Harry, you are still in my good books!!

Friday, January 9, 2009

Dont quiet fit in anywhere

Today I went to a friends birthday party. She had about 10 gals for wine/tea/scones/snacks.

She had two distinctive camps of friends there. The first was her "hippie" friends. (Cape Town is full of hippie-alternative people). The other were incredibly conservative Christian.

The problem lay with the fact that I am the odd one out. I really don't fit into either group. Now the hippie group of ladies seemed such fun, and I was drawn to them. Unfortunately I had absolutely nothing to say to them. I could say to my yoga teacher who was there, "nice class this morning", but that is where it ends.I don't understand hippies, the way they dress puzzles me as it generally looks awful, and they kinda look unkempt and dishevelled half the time. Well, that's in my opinion anyway!

I could chat a bit about Christianity to the other ladies, where do you go to church, what do you see 2009 holding for you? But, that is also where it ended. Trying to make conversation was like "pulling teeth".

This is also the same problem for me in my life! I belong to a wonderful church. It is very Charismatic and I love it,but I find the people incredibly conservative, and Oh so BORING!!! I feel like the black sheep when I am with them. I stay, because God has led me there and I feel that I am not called to move house.( ps. I have been there 6 yrs now and have 1 friend, the above birthday gal!)

My "old" friends, I have cut ties with as I did not fit into that worldly lifestyle either, so I am really struggling to meet "normal" fun loving people who are crazy about Jesus!

Lord if your reading my post, I have prayed about this over and over. Please answer my prayers!!

Tuesday, January 6, 2009

2008 Good Bye and Hello 2009

The "word" for 2008 in our church was Fire and Water. This came up over and over again. God is refining us. There is no doubt about that. I can clearly see this in my life, my church and in the blogs I read.
How we responded depends on our attitude and actions!

Then there was the water. I blogged a bit about that personally. He is wanting us to "tap" into the living waters. To dig in deep and grow our roots in him.I have a friend who is an inspiration as I have never met someone who his "digging" like her!

I believe that this water theme continues into 2009. Whilst praying yesterday I felt God say to me that this is the year to press in. To not lose heart, nor to sit back and relax.
Paul writes: I do not consider that I have already made it, but forgetting what is behind and straining towards what is ahead, I press on towards the goal.
Philippians 3:12-21

God is calling for His children to grow up, and to grow in HIM. Like the marigold post I wrote, we are to be the seeds planted in fertile soil, not choked by the worlds problems, or have shallow roots.He is personally transplanting His Children.

So, I respond to the Almighty by saying Yes! I want to run the good race. I want to fight the good fight. I am ready. I don't want to live on the milk my whole life (1 Peter 2:2-3) , just tasting the meat on occasion. I want the meat.

So in go into 2009, ready and prepared. I have my armour on, and I have my knife and fork! God is my victory!