Saturday, January 31, 2009
Riding the storm
I have been quiet lately as I have just been going through some hectic stuff (a lot inside my head), and I have been to tired to blog.
Last Saturday I had a frank conversation with God. It was our usual one way conversation,with him being so quiet still (but oh so active!!) and me doing all the talking.
I had come to the end of myself with my health. (Isn't that funny, as I kept thinking haven't I done that already). Once again I handed it to him and decided that I was not going to fight it. I was "done" fighting and trying to get better my way, and that I had accepted that Jesus will heal me when the time is right.
So the next day, surprise surprise, I was sick as a dog, and I have pretty much remained that way until Friday. I made another doc appointment, in case I needed antibiotics as my glands where swollen like golf balls and I could barely swallow.
I go home really depressed and for this entire week have been in Psalm 22. In fact I could have written it myself. All week I have cried out to God for help. The kind of on your knees praying or curled up in a ball praying, desperate pleas from a desperately seeking Karen.
I know He hears me. I have no doubt in that at all. I also know that I am meant to be here, stuck in this "Feeling like" God Forsaken, but not forsaken desert.But its painful.Really really painful.
Been reading a bit of Brother Lawrence, (Its a book I cant read through quickly and so sometimes,I just read a page here and a page there.)and is what prompted me to "lay it all down again".
So that is where I am. Today I am looking up and looking forward. Today I am tired but its a good day.