Saturday, January 31, 2009

Riding the storm

I have been quiet lately as I have just been going through some hectic stuff (a lot inside my head), and I have been to tired to blog.

Last Saturday I had a frank conversation with God. It was our usual one way conversation,with him being so quiet still (but oh so active!!) and me doing all the talking.
I had come to the end of myself with my health. (Isn't that funny, as I kept thinking haven't I done that already). Once again I handed it to him and decided that I was not going to fight it. I was "done" fighting and trying to get better my way, and that I had accepted that Jesus will heal me when the time is right.

So the next day, surprise surprise, I was sick as a dog, and I have pretty much remained that way until Friday. I made another doc appointment, in case I needed antibiotics as my glands where swollen like golf balls and I could barely swallow.

I go home really depressed and for this entire week have been in Psalm 22. In fact I could have written it myself. All week I have cried out to God for help. The kind of on your knees praying or curled up in a ball praying, desperate pleas from a desperately seeking Karen.

I know He hears me. I have no doubt in that at all. I also know that I am meant to be here, stuck in this "Feeling like" God Forsaken, but not forsaken desert.But its painful.Really really painful.

Been reading a bit of Brother Lawrence, (Its a book I cant read through quickly and so sometimes,I just read a page here and a page there.)and is what prompted me to "lay it all down again".

So that is where I am. Today I am looking up and looking forward. Today I am tired but its a good day.


Terry said...

Karen-I didn't know what M E was so I googled it and know have a better understanding of what you deal with on a daily basis. My pray for you is that God will heal you of this. When you are down, remember we care and so does God. You are a child in the family of God and we are your brothers and sisters in Christ.

sister sheri said...

Thanks for touching base, Karen. You are so thoughtful.

Anthony was in Ethiopia. My natural-born sister is going through her very own "Dark Night of her Soul"... She came out for a visit but I feel I may have given too much of myself away... either that or I've caught the flu... either way... I'm trying to rest... and pray... and rest... and pray...

Thinking of you... and praying, too!

Rhonda said...

Karen - I am praying for healing in your body and that Christ would give you His strength during this journey.