Sunday, November 29, 2009

O' where o' where is my litle rain cloud

Been feeling a bit weird lately, as if I am coming down with something......but emotionally.

I think its because that normally this time of the year I get to do lots of non work stuff and I cant do this right now.I am a home girl and enjoy pottering around the house, doing "nesting" things. I enjoy making the kids rooms look extra tidy, straightening out their book shelves,  clearing out all the old toys and putting them aside for the community cause box, fiddling in the garden and just taking time off to be by myself.

I love my work, especially being able to  run it from home, but at the moment it seems as if its a huge weight on my shoulders. I have an assistant who comes in three times a week to help me with the admin, which is great, but it also means that I need to be here.

I am also in the thick of self pity. I feel like a complete spare wheel regarding our ladies group. We met again yesterday. I was supposed to be an assistant leader and our lovely leader was very competent and didn't need me the entire year. Picture the donkey in the opening scene of Shrek, jumping up and down constantly saying pick me, pick me, pick me.......

Now picture Eeyore.

Told you I was feeling sorry for myself. I sound like a teenager!!

Sunday, November 15, 2009

Falling into the "religious" trap again, instead of being freed from it.

Sometimes going to church is plain old hard work, and to be honest, I sometimes wish I didn't have to go.

Now, before you raise your eye brow,let me explain.
Firstly hubby doesn't go to church. So, taking two little kids who are full of energy by myself isn't easy.

I go to church, not because I have to go, I go because I want to go. Still, it doesn't make it any easier.

Then the crèche only opens after the singing has ended. So, having Adam (2)in the service until then is difficult. The kids like to sing and dance, and often their very voices get louder and louder as the want to show me this, and tell me that!

So today, as Adam was blowing spit bubbles at everyone, I decided that one song was enough and headed to the crèche, where I sat playing toy cars with him for the next half an hour! This is when I start thinking,just remind me why am I here?

So, moving between the creche, the toilets, the back of the church and the front,(yes,the madness is that I enjoy sitting at the front), means that I am seldom focused on the worship, or get to hear the full sermon or the announcements.

I finally sat down to hear the sermon, (not sure how much I had missed), and was immediately absorbed in what Pete, the guest speaker was saying.
Jesus came to set us free. Yes, we all know that, but how often do we turn those who are about to come to Christ to be "set free" or who just have, away, because of our religiosity? Oh sorry, you are not welcome here, because of your lifestyle. You are gay! You have just had an affair with someone I know. I know that you are an unscrupulous businessman. What do you think you are doing here, you hypocrite? And so on and so forth.

I realised that I had become my worst enemy and was judging myself because of who I am, and who I thought I sometimes should be. I recently invited a few friends to a ladies breakfast. Afterwards I kept thinking, I was such a hypocrite, as the night before, we were having a few drinks together and now I sit at a ladies church lunch singing about Jesus.

It was such freedom to be set free the enemies lies. I had fallen, one again, into that religious trap. I am who I am. I am a very real person, and I don't have to be "super-saved", to be accepted by Christ. I am not of this world, but I do live in it, and I need to realise that.

God loves me JUST the way I am. A very real person, who's aim is to be increasingly conformed to the image of Christ, and not to the image of who I think I should be, (or to others in the church, or anywhere else). There is no freedom in law only in Christ.

Karen is back

I was sitting at my desk the other day, wondering if I should close this blog down, as I havent been writing since our peak season with our work, and running two blogs is hard work. Especially when I cant really merge the two. (My work blog's focus is on sharks.)

It never ceases to amaze me how God's hand works. The very next day, I received a comment on this blog, (which I haven't had in months!) God was confirming that I should keep Watering Mustard Seeds, and so I shall.

Sunday, July 5, 2009

Grace and the Harvest

I woke up this morning late for church. The kids had gone to sleep over at the in-laws, a first in 2 yrs. My body has been so tired from a hard week being up 3-4 times a night with Adam being a bit sick, and so I must have really needed the rest.

I sat in bed, all alone, drinking my coffee, in a wonderfully quiet house, thinking of our Abba Father, and noticing that I have been in utter peace for while.
I haven't been praying as much, nor reading my bible everyday, nor is my day filled with its usual worship. Yet, still I walk in peace. It dawned on me that am in a state of Grace.

Our God is a good God, a faithful God and a loving God. Here I am, thinking because I am not "doing" what I usually 'do", I should not be allowed to feel this way, so restful, so wonderful.

The Lord showed me a picture of a harvest, and it all made sense. Yes,its harvest time for us. We have sown the seeds for our business, planted and watered and now its time to put our heads down and work, work work. And for the last 2 months I have worked non-stop.

We have a very limited window period in which we can work with Great White Sharks, as its very seasonal, and in spite of the global recession we have been busier than ever.

Its noon now,and I am about to go outside, still in my pj's, and just enjoy the winter sun. I am so lucky to be a daughter of the most high and I am really looking forward to quietly praise Him, in this rare solitude.

Friday, July 3, 2009

Busy Season

Whilst winter is normally quiet for business, this is our busy season. It is the reason why I am not actively posting at the moment. Well, that is not entirely true. I am very active on our shark cage-diving blog. So, if you want to, from time to time, head on over and see what I am doing, that would be wonderful.

Don't forget to drop me a line.

Sunday, June 7, 2009

I love this AD

Time Out?

Have you ever felt as if you need a "time out" from God?

I kinda feel that way right now. Perhaps it's because I have been pressing in so hard and fervently for so long that I am just tired out. Perhaps I was trying to hard?

No idea. I just know that I need take a time out.

Saturday, June 6, 2009

It can be very cold in South Africa

This cute pic was taken by a farmer in Harrismith. ( google it if you dont know where that is)

Saturday, May 30, 2009

Pilot whales beach themselves......

Hi everyone
Please go and read our post today on our other blog site. Please feel free to comment.

Click on

Friday, May 22, 2009

Dear God....what a terrible thing to happen

Woman arrested for killing kids
22/05/2009 09:49 - (SA)

East London - A 40-year old woman has been arrested for the murder of her two young children, the Dispatch reported on Friday.

The two sisters, aged 7 and 9, were found strangled in their mother's bakkie parked near Kayser's Beach on Thursday afternoon.

The mother had earlier called a friend and told her she planned to kill her children.

"It was her friend who alerted the police, but when we got to Kayser's Beach we could not find her," said police spokesperson Superintendent Mtati Tana.

"We tried calling her to talk her out of it, but by the time we got hold of her along the road it was too late. The kids were dead and she was also bleeding because she had slit her wrists,"

I sit here wondering what was going through this woman's mind. I too have suffered from such a deep depression that I wanted to end my life. But to take your kids with you is a completely different story all together.
Then, to strangle them! Dear God in Heaven. That is the most personal way of killing someone. Shooting is impersonal, but to put your own hands around your kids neck.....Oh my God!

She is alive. Her kids are dead. Her hell is now to sit in jail for the rest of her life knowing what she did.

Why am I posting this story? I honestly don't know. Maybe its because I am a mom and it has gone deep into my soul, that a mom can do this.

This morning I got so cross with my little ones that I yelled and said stuff that was very unloving. I immediately realised this and sorted myself out, and gave them the love they deserve. After all, my behaviour was childish and I am an adult and must behave like one. Its easy to lash out at our kids, after all, they can drive you crazy.

Moms, go give your kids some extra love today. Hug them, hold them, and tell them that you love them. They are not ours, even if they are with us for a life time.
They are precious gifts from God and we need to treat them that way.

Thank you for taking the time to read this post.

Saturday, May 9, 2009

A not so great FAST

On Friday I was meant to fast. I wanted to do this over our community as we have been hit by a serious crime wave.
All was going well, until about noon when I started feeling flu-ish. I thought if I just get into bed everything will be fine.But I had kids over for a play date and I had to watch them on the jungle gym.
By evening time I was about to fall over, and felt as if I had been hit by a bus. I had a terrible sinus head ache. I had had a few med lemon's during the day and my stomach was hurting (proberly from the high asprin content). Later around 10pm, I felt so horrible, that I had to go eat something. I sat on the kitchen floor with a packet of nuts and a jar of honey eating it by the spoonful, thinking maybe its because my sugar levels are down.I also woke up every hour and drank glass after glass of water because I was so dehydrated.

I told God this is not what I planned, or hoped for. Was this the enemy's attempt to keep me from Fasting,or was it just lousy timing coming down with the flu. I just don't know?

Last night was the repeat of Friday night, except it was much worse. I couldn't breath properly as my sinus's where so blocked,I was sweating, and then I was so chilly, my head ache came back with a vengeance. Again,right on cue, every hour I would sit up and have another glass of water. As I could barely sleep, I started to talk to God. But it was bizarre, I had snatches of verses and songs and psalms in my head and I don't think I was very coherent.

In the early hours of the morning I was curled up on the bathroom floor as I was so dizzy I could not get back to bed. It was then I heard quiet clearly, in my not so clear head, these words....Simon Simon, Satan has asked to sift you as wheat, but I have been praying for you.

I have no idea what that means! I don't think that Satan has really asked God if he can sift me as wheat and so I must chalk it up to me being feverish.

But I am pretty sure that that verse didn't just pop into my head whilst lying on the bathroom floor? Or did it?

Monday, May 4, 2009

Piece of Pie

I wanted to share with you my Pie.

I know it sound silly, but this is the first pie I have baked. I made a roast chicken with gravy pie and it was yummy.

The Shack, trusting God and so much more.

I have just finished reading "The Shack", by William Young. To be honest, I did not find it particularly AMAZING, awesome, nor tear jerking (although the end made me teary!). However there was a few RHEMA sentences that the Holy Spirit revealed to me.

I have been struggling with trust. Trusting God as we walk through new territory. Not only have I been struggling with trust, I have really been wrestling with it, especially in my prayer life.
When I read the book "practising the presence of God", a short while ago, I struggled to understand how he, Brother Lawrence, could totally surrender EVERYTHINGto the Father. Its not that I don't want to, don't get me wrong, its that I can't.

And so, in His perfect timing,The Holy Spirit revealed to me. Trust is the fruit of a relationship where you know you are loved......and because you don't know that I (God/Jesus) love you, you cannot trust me.

Now this sounds so simple, doesn't it. Of course I know God loves me,I am a believer and follower of Christ. But,I clearly do not know the DEPTH of His love for me. And I now see that if I did, I would be able to move mountains.

So, where to from here? Well, I believe the answer is to keep abiding in Christ. I so badly want what Brother Lawrence had, to give up the right to decide what is good and evil on my own terms and chose only to live in Christ. I want it now. I want it NOW. God's timing is perfect, and He know's I am an impatient child.

It reminds me of that joke, "how do you eat an elephant? Answer, one bite at a time."

Thursday, April 30, 2009

God's creation is amazing...seeing Killer Whales

I often forget how privileged we are. Rob gets to do what he loves,working with sharks and being on the ocean, and I love working from home doing all the bookings, correspondence and being with the kids.

On Sunday we had the fortunate rare experience, and may be the last one, of seeing Killer Whales/ Orca's.

Rob got a call from a friend saying that he has spotted Killer whales and a massive school of dolphins in the Bay. The kids and I were at a birthday party, and I was very embarrassed to inform our hostess that we had to immediately leave. We raced to the boat to meet Rob.

My heart jumped when we saw the first one. It was beautiful, really and truly beautiful! They swam in front, under and around the boat. Adam wanted to jump overboard, as he was so excited, and I had to take the kids onto the viewing deck.

There were 5 of them in the pod. 4 mediums ones ( I think all female) and one smaller male. They were actively after the dolphins. These animals can move it. They were swimming at a speed of 5 knots. They also eat seals, but didn't give them a second glance.

It was amazing to see them chase, herd and go in for the kill. They caught one dolphin,(They were Dusky dolphins),and then totally backed off. The dolphins went absolutely wild. They caused such massive splashes as they raced to get away, that all you could not even see them.

After that the Orca's changed course and swam away.

Rob took some nice pics, and my 4 yr old daughter wants to take a pic to "show and tell". The bottom pic was taken from our friends boat of us on our boat. I just love that pic. Stunning hey!

Sometimes we get caught up in the small stuff,paying bills,the increase in interest rates, wondering about the country and elections,how the global recession is going to affect us, and yes, it can seem overwhelming at times, but despite all of that, I am glad I took a step back and realised we are so privileged.

Shouldn't you?

Thursday, April 23, 2009

Voting day and Elections

Yes, I voted. I stood in the queue for an hour and cast my secret ballot.

I wont get into the in's and out of voting and my opinion as politics is such a hot topic that I am bound to get a million replies, both good and bad.

I had to seriously pray before hand as I felt very hopeless for this country. I prayed that I remember that my hope is in Christ and not the government. My hope comes from the Lord and not what I see around me.

Its hard to do that. To stand on the word when, my world, my country is completely out of my hands and I can only cast 1 vote as to how I wish it would be.

Sunday, April 19, 2009

The shift

I think a shift has started.

In my last post, remember I said that God clearly said to me that love is not enough and that you have to be obedient. Well, obedience is the theme that has slowly been weaving its way into my life. It has been so subtle that I did not recognise it, until now. In my daily readings, I have been going through Deuteronomy. Disobedience was the key factor for Moses not being allowed into The Promised Land. Obedience is the reason why Joshua took Jericho and then annihilated nation after nation. Obedience is what I have been reading in the psalms and proverbs over the last month...and still I did not get it until that revelation, sunk deeply into my heart.

The next day I wanted to do some reading. I didn't feel like reading any of the books I have been reading of late, and so I went to my book shelf. Immediately I was drawn to a book that has been gathering dust for a long time. It was "The Devils door" by John Bevere. After reading a chapter I noticed on the cover was written "How obedience to God can protect you from the bondage of sin".
How did I miss that? It surely was not a coincidence. The Lord is talking to me. He is not quiet. He is whispering and directing me and listening.

Do I think my winter period is over? I don't know, but I know that something has changed. I also noticed that my prayers over this week end have not been bouncing and echoing back to me.

I must be careful that I don't run with this and try and "lead" instead of waiting and listening, and then being obedient and being a doer. A doer of the word and not of the church. By this I mean not doing out of duty, pressure or obligation, or what I think is right. Just doing because that is what the Holy Spirit wants me to do, and this includes doing nothing when God is silent.

Wednesday, April 15, 2009

Winter wonderland

Been going through the book "prayer" by Richard Foster. This is a heavy book to read and so I am going through it in stages as I feel the H/S promptings.

Just finished the chapter called Formative prayer, which is the process of transformation to be Christ like.

He opens with this, which I fell in love with....The primary purpose of prayer is to bring us into such a life of communion with the Father that by the power of the Spirit we are increasingly conformed to the image of the Son. Isn't that such a beautiful way of summing up prayer.

He talks about how in our walk of eagerly pursuing God, we are slowly moulded and shaped bit by bit, IF we allow ourselves to be.

In fact as I read this chapter I saw myself, and realised that this chapter is where I am in life. How I am being drawn into Solitude. How I am being stripped away of all I hold dear to me, and also of parts of me, branches, you could say, that are dead.

I realise how much pride I have in me. I was so proud that "my calling" is prayer.contemplative, meditative prayer.Now I cant even pray the simplest prayer. There is no desire, nothing, its all flat flat flat. I began to think that that I was "so special" because I heard constantly from God. Now it feels like everything I say bounces and echo's back to me.

Its been months and months now like this. However I know that I am bathed in grace. I can feel it, sense it, KNOW it. God is good. He is loving, and He is kind. I am being held at an arms length, but its Him who is doing the holding and I am safe.

Richard Foster calls this the Blessedness of Winter.To the outward eye everything looks barren and unsightly. Our many defeats, flaws, weaknesses and imperfections stand our in bold relief. ( and in my eyes they are so glaring). But only the outward virtues have collapsed, the principle of virtue is actually being strengthened.
The soul is venturing forth into the interior. Real solitude,enduring virtues begin to develop deep within. Pure love is being birthed.

I cant claim this as my own as I feel nothing.As painful as this is, I must accept that this is where I am and humbly as God that through Christ, our Lord, that He continue the good work that He started.

I declared simply to God last night that I loved Him so much. He answered gently but loudly...Love is not enough, You (Karen) have to be obedient.

Saturday, April 11, 2009

Back on blogland

It has been over a month since my last blog, which I hope will be my last "mini sabbatical" from blogging.

I was hell of a tired, and had so much work to for our company, that when I had any free time, it was spent just trying to look after myself and the family.

We have been away on holiday for the last 2 and a half weeks, and I would love to share our holiday pics with you all. We went away to Botswana ( again!!),
We went to our families ( in laws) game farm. Real bush, real Africa, not like the fancy 5 star lodges, that try to convince you that this is what real Africa is like. We have no electricity, no generators, no gas ( except for the fridges) and no cell phone coverage.This is our 3rd time back, and its fast becoming our favourite destination.

Each night you sit under the stars, watching the fire and getting lost in time. Its really therapeutic for the soul and its just what I needed. One of the group brought an astronomical telescope. It was amazing to look at the stars and planets ( I saw Saturn, boy is it beautiful!).I was drawn back to how our God, the creator of the universe placed each one in the sky and knows them all by name. It makes me very humble to then think how insignificant I am, and yet I am the apple of His eye.

Here is a picture of the moon taken through the telescope. Stunning Hey?

Monday, March 2, 2009

Where is Karen

2 Cor 4:8-9
8"We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; 9persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed".

This has been the theme for the past month. I retreated into myself. To be honest, I was in despair for a while to.

I have had the worst time,fatigue and depression wise and it threw me badly. Is shook the foundations of my faith, the foundations of my marriage and my soul. I went into a complete black hole of darkness and could for the life of me, not see one step forward.I felt like a total wreck.

Someone once asked, what is it like to suffer from severe depression. I replied "it is if you have just walked into a black and white movie, and someone has sucked all the joy out of your life".

I have had to force myself to get out of bed, be a mom, try run a business and try to be a wife. The wife bit fell apart as I just had nothing to give and so my husband has been feeling so rejected and unloved.

I cried and cried out to the Lord in utter despair and hopelessness.One day I woke up and remembered something. Something that shifted my depression and gave me hope.
Talk the answer, not the problem. The answer is in God's word. Then, "the Holy Spirit, your teacher will reveal the things that have been freely given to us by God." (Jn 14.26)

The other verse was 2 Cor 5:7 Walk by faith and not by sight.

I had forgotten to walk by faith. I was trusting the Lord, yet set my sights on what I saw "my situation".

It was then, the Lord renewed my strength, and reminded me that I had not been abandoned, even if I felt that way.

I learnt the biggest life lesson: I take on too much.I will not break the fatigue cycle if I don't stop overdoing it when I am feeling well. So, I have handed over many chores and duties to my hubby. If he is home, he can fetch the kids. He can help me by do the shopping and if he doesn't like egg on toast if I am not up to making a better meal, then he is welcome to cook.( And so he has, bless him).

God is good.

So, that is why I have not been around. I had no energy to even blog. I am taking it one day at a time. Some days are good and really joyful, others not.

When I can, I will next share how I believe I have grown in Christ during this period.

God Bless you all, and thank you for all the kind posts of late. I really have appreciated it sooooooo much.

Wednesday, February 11, 2009

The finished product


Well, here it is. My first loaves of bread that actually turned out perfect.......yippee
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Saturday, February 7, 2009

Baking bread

I have taken up a new hobby. Bread baking. I have always enjoyed this, yet always been unsuccessful. Either its to doughy, or to hard, or tasteless, or not quiet right.In shear frustration after my last attempt last week, I turned to the internet. Here I discovered 'baking 101'. This site goes into such detail about bread baking, from the yeast, to kneading times, etc.

I have just popped another loaf into the oven. Hopefully with a new technique, I will have baked a decent loaf. My aim is to cut out shop bread as it has so many preservatives in it.

Tuesday, February 3, 2009

Wee willy winkie runs up and down.......

Well Adam refuses to keep his nappy on and we are having lots of messy times here.

Nappy on..nappy off….nappy on with shorts that he cant take off…nappy off…
3pm Poo on stoep…..spray Adam in bath…nappy on. Dad cleans stoep….Phew!!!
6pm Nappy off. Wee on moms bed ( thankfully have mattress cover)….nappy on
7.30 Nappy off…..wee on his pillow in cot… goes to put pillow in washing machine…
7.31 Returns to upset Adam?? See’s poo on moms bedroom carpet…….return Adam to bath…spray him down. Dad cleans carpet ( Jordan points out poo that he has missed!!)
7.33 Mom washes poop out bath with dettol..Dad goes to fetch nappy…..returns to upset Adam. Adam has poo’d again on moms bedroom carpet
7.34 Mom returns Adam to bath. Dad returns to clean bedroom carpet again. Mom doesn’t let Adam out of site…Nappy on..back in cot…
7.40 Mom pours half glass of wine, dad collapses on couch!!!!

Saturday, January 31, 2009

A big fright

Yesterday I woke up feeling really great. I guess Abba Father was giving me strength for what was to come.

I have been feeling jolly flabby due to the lack of exercise. As I was feeling top of the pops, I took the pram out and walked the kids to school. 1.5km for Jordan and a bit less for Adam. Then headed off to yoga class.My muscles have been really sore again due to the lack of stretching and it was a really hard class for me. Ran with pram to fetch the kids later on. Wow, still not tired...whoopee....

Adam woke from his nap with a really high temp. 38'. I didn't think much of it as he apparently cried all morning at crèche, so I thought it was due to that. Gave him a Panado suppository and he seemed much better an hour later.

We headed off to the in laws so Jordan could swim. Mommy forgot her swimming lesson and she was beside herself. Adam seemed okay, a bit hot, so I took his temp from there old fashioned thermometer and showed normal. Gave him some tea!
On the way home I watched my little boy have a seizure. It was the most awful thing to experience. I jumped into the back of the car, pulled him out his car seat and held him whilst he was convulsing. Rob was shouting "breathe for him" as he was starting to go blue.

The nearest day hospital was three minutes away. I am so thankful now that we where not at home then, as we live over the mountain from the in laws 20 min away, and that would have been a long way to drive.

I started to quietly pray in the Spirit as there was nothing more for me to do. Got to hospital,temp now 39.4'. They stabilized him whilst I "told God" to make him better.

2hrs later, he seemed better and we took him home. Spend the rest of the night holding him over many buckets, and changing about 20 runny nappies.

Today he is fine. Runny poops starting to lessen and he is now so far going on a 3 hr nap. Mom had a nice 2 hr nap.Praise God!!

Rob asked me later if I was praying in tongues. I said yes and it was a chance for me to witness a bit to him. (Which is a miracle in itself). A few minutes later I could sense the walls going up and so conversation topic ended.

I have no idea what yesterday was about. God gave me the strength to cope, my son is fine and we are all fine.

Praise Jesus!!

Riding the storm

I have been quiet lately as I have just been going through some hectic stuff (a lot inside my head), and I have been to tired to blog.

Last Saturday I had a frank conversation with God. It was our usual one way conversation,with him being so quiet still (but oh so active!!) and me doing all the talking.
I had come to the end of myself with my health. (Isn't that funny, as I kept thinking haven't I done that already). Once again I handed it to him and decided that I was not going to fight it. I was "done" fighting and trying to get better my way, and that I had accepted that Jesus will heal me when the time is right.

So the next day, surprise surprise, I was sick as a dog, and I have pretty much remained that way until Friday. I made another doc appointment, in case I needed antibiotics as my glands where swollen like golf balls and I could barely swallow.

I go home really depressed and for this entire week have been in Psalm 22. In fact I could have written it myself. All week I have cried out to God for help. The kind of on your knees praying or curled up in a ball praying, desperate pleas from a desperately seeking Karen.

I know He hears me. I have no doubt in that at all. I also know that I am meant to be here, stuck in this "Feeling like" God Forsaken, but not forsaken desert.But its painful.Really really painful.

Been reading a bit of Brother Lawrence, (Its a book I cant read through quickly and so sometimes,I just read a page here and a page there.)and is what prompted me to "lay it all down again".

So that is where I am. Today I am looking up and looking forward. Today I am tired but its a good day.

Thursday, January 22, 2009

21 Days

They say it takes to 21 days to form a habit. Today is the 22nd of Jan and I have been doing my bible readings now from Jan 1st. I hope its a habit I will keep for the rest of my life! I wasn't doing to badly last year, but then I started to slip up, and by the time Dec arrived, I was 2 months behind and there was no way of catching up!

The last two days I have been going over psalm 18. It didn't really grab my attention until my "nap time", when I started to journal a bit. I immediately started to confirm that God is my fortress, my rock and my salvation. Suddenly that psalm came to life and it became my "Rhema Word".

Here are parts of it that "shouted to me". Its in no order, but as I journalled.

I will love thee, O LORD, my strength.
Psalms 18:1 (KJV)The LORD is my rock, and my fortress, and my deliverer; my God, my strength, in whom I will trust
Psalms 18:2 (KJV)
In my distress I called upon the LORD, and cried unto my God: he heard my voice out of his temple, and my cry came before him, even into his earsPsalms 18:6 (KJV)
The LORD rewarded me according to my righteousness; according to the cleanness of my hands hath he recompensed me.
Psalms 18:20 (KJV)I was praying over a situation which has hurt us financially, and I was filled with hate towards this ungodly evil businessman.I kept saying, how would Jesus respond. Help me pray Lord as I cant think good thoughts about this person. Help me be pure in heart. The sorrows of death compassed me, and the floods of ungodly men made me afraid.
Psalms 18:4 (KJV)
Psalms 18:34 (KJV)

19 He brought me forth also into a large place; he delivered me, because he delighted in me.
Psalms 18:19 (KJV)

Isn't our God good. More to follow.....

Wednesday, January 21, 2009

A letter to a friend

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Jordan started Preschool today.
We went to her orientation morning yesterday, and she was soooo excited. She met her teacher, Mrs Lindeque (who Rob thinks is cute!!,he said he pictured an old granny!)

When I saw her little cubical and her little hook with her sunny face name tag for her to hang her own stuff I wanted to cry. It was so sweet.

I had to bring a face cloth and hand towel for her. She wanted pink.I also had to sew two pink face clothes together to make her a little hand towel,(and there where no pink towels, so I had to improvise). I couldn’t find her a pink apron ( all sold out) , so a pooh bear one was the next best. I had to sew it smaller and make it a 'easy slip on one", which took me hours to do, as I had to hand sew everything. I would love to buy a sewing machine, but don’t think I have the time or energy to take it up as a hobby!

She was so excited about everything, the swings, the big dolls house, the sand pit, the water troughs that they learn tactile games etc. She was on such a high after wards that it was a nightmare calming her down.

I am happy that it’s a nice good school, with a small class of 13, and everything looks so nice and clean.

Dad wanted to drop her off at school, so he arrived here at 7.15. I was super surprised at the effort. Very nice of him.

Adam is well. He is starting to talk so much, (much earlier than Jordan). He also shows me things and will take us by the hand and point to what he wants which is suprising for a boy. His new favorite words are nose,( pronounced nnnnnnoooooossseee) and eyes (iiiiiiiiisss) and moo. His favourite game is pulling out the garden plants. Every day I find my seedlings all over the place.

Otherwise we are all well. I am feeling much better today. Last week was very hard on me and I had to rest everyday and was in bed by around 7.30. I have had to go back on my strict wheat free, no dairy, no sugar diet,No enjoyment of food diet and I think that is why I am feeling better, as I started this again on Friday. I ate brown rice and lentils for three days straight. Not very interesting and not much one can do to "add more flavour to it" At least I am very "regular' ha ha ha.

I have had to change meds and add new supplements, and it has just got so expensive now. Its costing us ave 1500pm on medical bills. I am really going to be good on the diet, so we can see if we can reduce some of this as we just cant afford it all.

The house is now all repainted and looking great. They say it’s a 7 yr paint, and so lets hope it is!! We have also done a lot of work maintenance wise, and so we hope this shark season will be good for us. I am finally getting my bedroom door fixed!!! Its been 17 months with a big hole in it, thanks to Jordan!!

Well, thats all from me. Cant wait to see you in Feb. xxx Karen


I want to share how I have been feeling this past week. Feeling like death warmed up is terribly hard on one's soul.I am constantly thinking about myself, and I hate it. I hate being the centre of my attention. I hate forgetting about God. It hurts so much. The truth of the matter is that I have been too tired....too tired even for God!

And then at the end of the day, the doubts set in. Like the comical devil on the left shoulder and the angel on my right, my thoughts start to wage a war in my head. The "little devil" would have a go, bringing me down, telling me what a crap Christian I am, how I don't measure up, how if my hearts desire is "prayer streaming 24/7" and meditation, how can I not bother to even do a little prayer. The "little angel" will try talk sense, try telling me that falling asleep whilst praying brings such joy to God. Would I berate my child for falling asleep in my lap? It is that thought I have been clinging too all week.

Today during "nap time", I drew comfort to a few comments from Joyce Huggett's "Open to God". I quote... Real faith sets in reservations, doubts and misgivings on one side and takes God at his word when he says that he loves us. Real Faith goes further. It stakes its life on trustworthiness and promises of God. But such is Gods love that he woos to himself not just those who expect that he will fulfil all his promises, but also the doubters: those whose faith is no bigger than a mustard seed.

This hit home. My blog url is wateringmustardseeds. God is continually watering my little mustard seed, even when I feel useless,not just when I feel super strong.

He wants me just to love Him when I feel this way. And I do!! I love him unashamedly. I may not be able to meditate, or contemplate, but I can quieten my heart and just love Him. Not wanting anything in return.

And so, that is what I did............ Ahhh such peace!!!

Thursday, January 15, 2009

Tired and Miserable

Monday...tired but all is well. Had to rest in the afternoon
Tuesday..more tired but all is well..was able to go out for dinner
Wednesday the wheels fell off the bus. I woke up with a neck spasm and a headache from hell and felt like I had a hangover. One slight problem is that you need to consume large volumes of booze, and I am a teetotaller. I cant drink more than a glass of vino other wise I get horribly ill. Kinda rules that one out.

By Mid afternoon the gremlins has stopped bashing my head, but I still felt like crap. I had a meeting with my accountant who really 'cheered" me up. She said gosh, you look like death..... And I had put on some make-up and thought I looked somewhat fresher than I felt.

I tried again to have a nap, but the kids had discovered that screaming in the garden, whilst running under the sprinkler was super fun and who was I to tell them to stop?

7.30 got into bed, took a sleeping tablet that my dr recommended when I am like this and slept for 12 hrs.

Woke up 7.30.....exhausted and ratty...and so the cycle continues....

My prayer today is the same as before

God, when will you answer me?
I dont want to live being
half a wife
half a mom
and half a business partner. When I am like this, I am forgetful, horrible to live with, moody and prickly as a prickly pear.How long must this go on for? Being tired!!

I have done everything to get better, prayer meetings, dr's, pills. vitamins
When Lord When??

Sunday, January 11, 2009

Britian, get OVER yourself

I turned on Sky News this morning to see Britian in an uproar over a few measly remarks Prince Harry had made THREE years ago whilst on active duty. He called his friend and fellow soldier, a Paki and then joked with another soldier saying you look like a rag head!!

Britian, get OVER yourself. The guy is young, he was just being a normal soldier, joking around. Its not as if he was walking in central London going around insulting people.
For goodness sake, if that is the worst the guy can do in the army then he is not doing badly at all.

Its not as if he slept with an HIV woman without a condom, was accused of rape and went to trial, or is being prosecuted for fraud and corruption, like our ANC president Jacob Zuma. Now reporters out there, that is worth writing about!!!!

Harry, you are still in my good books!!

Friday, January 9, 2009

Dont quiet fit in anywhere

Today I went to a friends birthday party. She had about 10 gals for wine/tea/scones/snacks.

She had two distinctive camps of friends there. The first was her "hippie" friends. (Cape Town is full of hippie-alternative people). The other were incredibly conservative Christian.

The problem lay with the fact that I am the odd one out. I really don't fit into either group. Now the hippie group of ladies seemed such fun, and I was drawn to them. Unfortunately I had absolutely nothing to say to them. I could say to my yoga teacher who was there, "nice class this morning", but that is where it ends.I don't understand hippies, the way they dress puzzles me as it generally looks awful, and they kinda look unkempt and dishevelled half the time. Well, that's in my opinion anyway!

I could chat a bit about Christianity to the other ladies, where do you go to church, what do you see 2009 holding for you? But, that is also where it ended. Trying to make conversation was like "pulling teeth".

This is also the same problem for me in my life! I belong to a wonderful church. It is very Charismatic and I love it,but I find the people incredibly conservative, and Oh so BORING!!! I feel like the black sheep when I am with them. I stay, because God has led me there and I feel that I am not called to move house.( ps. I have been there 6 yrs now and have 1 friend, the above birthday gal!)

My "old" friends, I have cut ties with as I did not fit into that worldly lifestyle either, so I am really struggling to meet "normal" fun loving people who are crazy about Jesus!

Lord if your reading my post, I have prayed about this over and over. Please answer my prayers!!

Tuesday, January 6, 2009

2008 Good Bye and Hello 2009

The "word" for 2008 in our church was Fire and Water. This came up over and over again. God is refining us. There is no doubt about that. I can clearly see this in my life, my church and in the blogs I read.
How we responded depends on our attitude and actions!

Then there was the water. I blogged a bit about that personally. He is wanting us to "tap" into the living waters. To dig in deep and grow our roots in him.I have a friend who is an inspiration as I have never met someone who his "digging" like her!

I believe that this water theme continues into 2009. Whilst praying yesterday I felt God say to me that this is the year to press in. To not lose heart, nor to sit back and relax.
Paul writes: I do not consider that I have already made it, but forgetting what is behind and straining towards what is ahead, I press on towards the goal.
Philippians 3:12-21

God is calling for His children to grow up, and to grow in HIM. Like the marigold post I wrote, we are to be the seeds planted in fertile soil, not choked by the worlds problems, or have shallow roots.He is personally transplanting His Children.

So, I respond to the Almighty by saying Yes! I want to run the good race. I want to fight the good fight. I am ready. I don't want to live on the milk my whole life (1 Peter 2:2-3) , just tasting the meat on occasion. I want the meat.

So in go into 2009, ready and prepared. I have my armour on, and I have my knife and fork! God is my victory!