The chalk board

 I wrote yesterdays bible verse on my chalk board. I have a big chalk board painted  on my kitchen wall as I had become very forgetful since having kids. It looks very trendy and the kids love doodling on it. I am going to look at the verse all the time ( i have been doing so already), and this is my mediation verse for as long as it is necessary.

I phoned the Dr, and we are going to have a chat on Monday. I think that perhaps my bipolar med need to be adjusted for this period.

On Sunday I planned this weeks menu. I have never done that before. One of my new years resolutions was to stop going to the shops all the time. I tried to match meals where I could use the veg from the one day to the next. ie spare carrots into the pie etc. Another resoultion was to introduce more veg into our meals, and pre planning seemed the best way to do it.
Last night I made a chicken and veg pie. It was awful. I was more than disappointed as it took a great deal of effort to do. The chicken stock was so overpowering that it spoilt everything and so the dogs got the supper and we got to eat the rice. I then had to make everyone scrambled eggs!

Rob cooked spaghetti Bolognase. Cant go wrong with that, except Jordan knocked hers all over the floor. Happy dogs again tonight!

Well, guess what! its 8pm, and my show starts in 30 min. I am going to read the bible now. The best part is that I want to.

Praise be to God!

Reflections from the desert

Here is my heart I give it Lord to You
Here is my life I lay it before You
Where else could I go
And what else could I do, if I did not know you?

How deeply I need You my Lord

Like the desert needs the rain......I need You
Like the oceans need the streams.....I need You
Like the morning needs the sun..... I need You

Lord You are my only one
(Darrell Evans)

This echo's my thoughts today.

When I realised God was leading me back into the desert I was angry.
No I was more than angry, I was mad as hell and deeply upset.
Why would He do this to me....again?
Doesn't He know that I have been knocking and knocking on that door, only to get a glimpse of what lay behind it, and now its shut firmly. What kind of loving Father is He?
And so on and so forth went my thoughts.

Then with the desert came the depression.
Come on Lord, give me a break here please.
And with the desert came the chronic fatigue again...and the pain.

Once again I pleaded, Lord give me a break....damn it.

You see, I had been in a beautiful place.
A place where the joy of the Lord was bubbling within me 24/7
I would wake up with a song on my lips and so I would then praise God from that song all day.
I had also been in 24/7 "prayer streaming" mode with Him. We would talk and talk all day and I just basked in the Glow of the Lord....literally.
I could not wait to read the word. Every page came alive for me.

In this phase I just drank deeply from the "well of life" and I loved living.

Now.....argh! The bible is a heavy weight of a book. Prayer is argh...completely dead to me. I have to force myself and remind myself to pray. Force myself to praise Him. My contemplative prayer is gone, as I just have no desire to meditate.

Something in me changed this week end as I pondered over this situation. I remembered the vision of the elephant recently and then the penny dropped! The light came on.

I will share more of this in my next blog.

A shitty Christian

I was really bothered on Thursday. A friend came around to visit and while she was there she got a call saying that another friends son had just tragically died. He was taking pictures on the railway line and was hit by the train.

She was really upset by the news. The worst part was that I was so unsympathetic. I have no idea what was wrong with me. I could not comfort her at all, and that is so unlike me! When she left she asked me to please pray for the family. Now as a Christian, I should have been the one to offer to pray, not the other way around.

That evening, in my quiet time of worship. I spoke to the Lord about this, and this cold hearted spirit that I had towards this situation. I could not even pray in words for the bereaved family, and so I prayed in the spirit as I still had no feelings.

It really upset me as to why I would be like this.

Anyone felt like this, or can offer some sane advice?