Monday, December 29, 2008
A little whine with that moan dear?
Yesterday I was in a rotten mood. I tried to get over it all day and it finally changed at 4pm whilst doing the dishes..... Here is the story!
I have been in struggling in another bout of depression. I think this time its due to my crazy hormones ( period started) and the lack of exercise over this festive season. I need those endorphins!!! With being in a black mood, I tried to keep quiet and not let my tongue lose as it can be a bit acidic as my negative thoughts just want to fly straight out. Yesterday I felt that my thoughts and feelings were justified.
I was angry and resentful at my husband. It was the same old, same old. Why couldn't he ever help me in the kitchen with the dishes or "really help" me tidy up the house? The day before I thought I would just leave the house and leave the dishes and maybe the fairies would miraculously do them, or maybe my hubby would look around and say, "Gosh darling, this house is a pig sty, why don't you put your feet up whilst I do the tidying?". So I woke up to a huge mess, and a husband that wanted to watch the cricket. SA vs Australia in a 5 day test, and SA is now catching up fast and its super exciting......to those interested in Cricket. To me a 5 day test is exciting as watching the grass grow!!!
At 3pm I could not stand it any longer. The house was a bomb heap by now as the kids had gone through every room with a vengeance. Rob had gone to the shops, and I was left alone with it all. AGAIN!!!
So I started with the dishes, packing the dishwasher, and hand washing the rest! My mind kept going over the book I am reading called Love and Respect (will blog about that book.) Men want Respect and Woman want Love and I was thinking that I wouldn't mind a bit of respect either.
I was listening to a Chris Tomlin CD when his words came to life...
You and I were made to worship
You and I are called to love
You are I are forgiven and free
When you and I embrace surrender
When you and I chose to believe
Then you and I will see who we were meant to be
Those words stopped me in my tracks. I know that I cant change my husband. I have tried and failed. Woman for centuries have tried.....and failed, yet I was still wanting to.
When I heard the above words I realized that I can only change myself. Yes, I already know that, but I guess I had forgotten it. I am called to love. I am called to surrender my thoughts and feelings, both good and bad to Christ. NO, it doesn't mean that I am to allow myself to be a door mat, or allow myself to be taken advantage of ( boundaries are very important), but the person I am meant to be is not the resentful, bitter wife. So I chose there and then to surrender!
The moment I did I felt the burden instantly lift from me. I was free. Totally and utterly free of the resentment, bitterness and anger towards my hubby. Yes, I was still faced with dirty dishes, but that didn't matter any more.
I have a good few friends who are not Christians and struggle to understand that being a Christian is about about relationship with the Almighty. A loving Father that wants us to walk in this freedom. Its not about religion, its about relationship. Having my thoughts transformed again was incredibly humbling. I walk in gratitude today for the fact that I am walking in love with my husband because of Christ.
Thank you Jesus!