Dog tired

Okay so I am now back home from leave and more tired than ever, so go figure! I thought I would come back refreshed, with a spring in my step. Today I came to the conclusion that its time to see the Dr again, as I am just not winning here.

Putting the health issue aside, I wanted to share the following:
The great thing about driving alot on holiday is that you have time, lots of time. I used my time to read the Word, and the some books which I feel a new direction God is leading me towards. I am currently reading "Listening to God" bu Joyce Huggett; "Celebration of Discipline" by Richard Foster and Becoming a Prayer Warrior by Elizabeth Alves. All three are meaty books which take loads to time to ponder and digest.

I know I am being called to prayer. This is not something new, I have known this for years. The problem is that I am like a horse biting on the champ and wanting to run ahead of God. Kinda like saying, okay Lord, you have put this desire in my heart, who, when how etc are we going to pray for today, lets get a programme going and lets get started.Go, go, go!!! However God has not released me and in fact I feel as if I have been reigned in, so to speak and so I get fustrated and think maybe its all in my mind.

The biggest calling I have at the moment is to " Be still and know that I am God". I am being called to stillness. Stillness in prayer, stillness in my work life, my marriage, in fact everything. Now for a doer, this is the hardest thing I have had to do. It has taken me ages to cotton onto what God is saying and most of the time I dont think I get it right. Partly as I have no idea how to be "a Mary". To just sit still at the foot of the father! To just gaze into the eyes of Jesus and know how deeply I am loved.
The other part of being still is listening. Listening and learning. And with learning comes change.

I am now tired so I am going to log off. Chat tomorrow about change........