Saturday, November 15, 2008
Full of Pride
I had to go drop off some files at my accountant, and so I thought afterwards I would have some "me" time by getting a cuppachino at "Betty's little coffee shop" nearby, and reading my latest book, "The practise of the presence of God". Well, by the time I got to page eight I was wiping the tears away, and could not go any further. As I was reading how humble this monk was, and how in utterly everything, and I mean everything, he gave what ever he was thinking and doing over to God, the Lord just showed me things in my life that need serious adjustment. PRIDE, PRIDE PRIDE. Its never fun when the creator of the universe says, "Karen, you think too highly of yourself". Kinda knocks you sideways!
As I was reading, I watched this old man, watching me intensely! I would read a bit, cry a bit, blow my nose, scribble a bit, on a post it pad I found in my bag, and then pick up the book and then read a bit more. As I said I didn't get very far, closing it at page 8.
I do know that I want to know God the way Brother Lawrence knew God.
I know that I say I want to submit it all to Him, but I don't, but I really want to...make sense?
I know that the more I seek him the more painful it is. The more we seek him, the more we get what we wish for! He puts circumstances in our lives that change us. I feel like I am constantly rubbing up against a cheese grater, yet I keep saying more.........I want to be more like Christ.
Any one wanting to share with me?